The Beginning Of Forever
by RISVULove
Summary: Prequel to my previous story, Everyday I Love You More. Can read either first doesnt really matter. Review please! Calex. M Rated.
1. Chapter 1

The Beginning Of Forever:

AN: Hello! This is the prequel to my previous story now called, "Everyday I Love You More". You can read either first its doesn't really matter..) hope you all enjoy it! And just to let you know, there wont be a whole lot of sex scenes in this one, its more setting a background, but there will be a few so keep an eye out for them!

Oh yes, and one thing that majority ties in here, for the purpose of the story Alex was never 'killed' and put in wistec. That was hard enough to watch never mind re-write!

xx

Chapter 1:

Alex's POV.

"Abbie.. I cannot believe you brought me out here!" I groan glancing around the bar

"We need to get you a woman Alex! I'm sick of you being single!"

"I'm happy single! I told you.."

"Thats what sad, lonely people say.. I'm getting you a girlfriend, even if it kills me"

I bring my drink to my lips and sigh, this woman is way too pushy... and thats why she's my best friend.

I look around, there is no one here I even remotely fancy. Although, the music is excellent.

God bless whoever is DJ'ing.

"Al? Dude? Are you even listening?"

"No. I'm not listening, I'm looking around for one woman who I could even consider dating"

"What about that hot brunette by the bar"

I look up "Meh... Not my type"

"What is your type? A cat and your microwave meals for one.."

"You cant cook either! Don't snap at me.."

"I'm not snapping.. I just want you to be happy"

"You're worse than my Mother, you know that?" I say and when I look back up I see a woman at the bar. One who has 100% caught my fancy.

"Hey, Abs.. Who's she?" I ask, subtly pointing to the woman and Abbie smiles

"I'm not sure.. You should go for it though.."

"I don't know... What if she's straight and I completely freak her out?"

"Al, shes at a gay bar.. Even if she is straight, you wont be frowned upon for hitting on her.."

"I suppose.."

I stand from the chair and immediately sit back down

"I'm nervous.."

Abbie smiles "Of course you are.."

"I don't like being nervous"

"I know you don't, no one does. Just go.. Whats the worst that could happen? She could say no? So what.. Its worth a shot"

"True.. Okay, I'll do it" I smile and walk over to the bar and I see she's downing shots by the minute

"Now, what has a pretty girl like you got to be worried about thats making you drink that much" I say and slap myself internally. What the fuck was that?!

She looks back at me and drinks another shot

"New job.."

"Aww.. That sucks. Is this seat taken?" I ask pointing to the bar stool beside her and she motions for me to sit down

"So, whats your name?" I ask and she offers me her hand

"Casey Novak, you?"

"Alex Cabot.."

"Alex Cabot.. As in DA, Alex Cabot?"

"Okay, there is no way I'm that popular, you must work in law.."

"Yep.. ADA"

I smile "Really?"

Wouldn't mind her working under me. Pun intended.

"Coincidence right?" She says and I smile

"Where are you working?"

Please be one of mine. Please be one of mine..

"For the city. I started today"

"Aw, that explains it, I was off today, I must've just missed you.."

"Well, nice to meet you... boss"

Well, thats any relationship with her gone completely out the window..

"You in tomorrow?" I ask and she smiles, for the first time since I sat across from her

"I am, but I'm sure since you didn't know I was your employee before you came over here, that's not what you wanted to discuss.."

Okay.. She's up front. Good quality for an ADA.

"No.. It, um, was just, I um.."

She smiles again and hands me her shot

"Alexandra, I think you need this more than I do" she winks and kisses my cheek

"See ya... boss" I watch her walk towards the door and I down the shot.

Well, that was interesting.

I still didn't get a date though. Which I have to admit is a shame, she beautiful and witty and sexy..

But, my employee. Co-worker. Maybe the relationship should be kept strictly professional?

Lets face it, if she says 'Alexandra' again in the same way she did a couple of minutes ago I'm screwed..

I walk back over to Abbie who looks expectantly at me

"Well?! What happened?!"

"I'm not quite sure.."

She smiles "What?"

"She's an ADA.. My new ADA. Remember you said the worst that could happen was her saying no? You're wrong - that right there, what just happened, is the worst thing that could've happened! And adding to it, I still tried to ask her out, got all flustered and she handed me her shot kissed my cheek and left! Oh not before saying 'I'll see you tomorrow boss'"

Abbie laughs "She seems awesome!"

I groan "This isn't funny! I really like her!"

"Fire her, then date her?" Abbie suggests

"Oh yeah, that'll go down a treat, 'Babe, you're fired but I'd love to take you to dinner'..No, I'll leave it now.. Help me find someone else"

"Ugh, spoil sport!" Abbie moans and I go back to drinking my wine, trying to rid the strong alcoholic taste of the shot from my tongue - with more alcohol.

Sorta wishing she wasn't working for me now.. Abbie's right, I need a girlfriend.. Ah well, I'm sure I'll find someone

Or die alone.

I wince and drink down more wine. If my horrible dating pattern keeps up I'm going to turn into an alcoholic.. All the more reason to find someone, at least so I can keep my own liver.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"Miss Cabot!" My secretary calls as I walk in the door of the building and I turn to her

"Yes Kate?" I ask and she hands me a pile of envelopes

"These came for you this morning, and also, there is a woman waiting for you in your office"

"A woman? Who?"

"I believe she said Miss Novak was her name? One of your new Assistant District Attorney's.."

"Yes.. I've met her briefly" I feel the blush creep up my neck and turn away from Kate

"Thank you Kate"

"No problem Miss Cabot, have a nice day"

I throw her a smile and walk to my office.

I walk in and find Casey sitting on the couch

"Miss Cabot" she smiles and I blush, properly this time

"Miss Novak..." I trail off and she smiles at my shyness

"I would say nice to meet you but I had that pleasure last night" she smirks and I begin to pick at my fingernails

"Casey, I didn't realise you were working here-" I start and she places her hand on my arm

"Alexandra.. It's okay"

I feel my heart speed up at her contact. What is it about this woman that has me so out of place?

Sure, she's gorgeous but having attractive women talk to me never effects me like this?

"It's not.. Casey, you're an ADA.. I couldn't-"

I'm interrupted by her placing her lips lightly to mine. I just barely feel the pressure and then its gone

She pulls back "I'm sorry.. its just, I wanted to do that since last night and well, you've been all I could think about"

"I-I.."

She kissed me. Kissed me. I'm her boss.. This is so wrong.

Not right. I cant.. She cant. We couldn't... Could we?

She does seem wonderful and I have to admit, I feel a pull towards her. A massive pull towards her..

"Casey.."

"Forget that I'm your employee.. Would you date me? Because I know you came over to me last night for a reason"

"Casey, It doesn't matter if I would or not, you are my employee-"

"Alex... Just one date and if you still feel like its wrong we will keep it strictly professional and I wont bother you anymore"

"Casey..."

"Please, Alexandra?"

I nearly moan at her use of my name. I don't think I could ever get used to her saying my name like that..

"One date..." I say and she smiles

"Perfect. Thank you"

I write down my cell number and l hand her the slip of paper

"You'll be needing this" I smile and she thanks me and walks out.

I sit down behind my desk a huge smile on my face. Oh my God. She asked me out? I said yes...

I said yes.

I don't know why but it doesn't feel as weird as I thought it would. When she kissed me, it felt right. Natural. Like its what should've happened.

I bite my lip. Oh God.. What am I going to do about this date! What'll I wear?

Well, I have that purple dress-

"Miss Cabot?" I look up and I'm met by Kate looking at me

"Sorry... What?" I ask

"I knocked but you didn't.. Anyway, I'm just reminding you your meeting starts in ten minutes"

"Oh.. Yes, thank you Kate"

She smiles and walks out and I look down at my desk.

What fucking meeting is she talking about?

Okay, having Casey around maybe a little too distracting. I'll just focus more. It'll be fine!

This will be fine.

Dating Casey Novak will be fine.

Yeah.. You keep telling yourself that Alex..


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

After my meeting (and a lot of figuring out where I had to go, who I was meeting and why) I walk into my office and my cell beeps. I open the message and smile even wider

"Lunch Miss Cabot? - ADA Novak x"

I laugh and sit into my office chair, typing back my reply

"Is that my date Miss Novak?"

"Of course not. I want you wined and dined for that, think of lunch as a pre-date warm up? xx"

I smile. She sure is smooth

"Oh... I don't know...?" I reply and within seconds there is a reply

"Business lunch then?"

I laugh "Sure.. Why not? Meet me at my office in ten"

I leave down my phone and de-wrinkle my clothes. I feel the butterflies start in my stomach.

I feel like a teenager on their first date.. I haven't felt like this in years and the level of anticipation is worrying me slightly.

I stand and look out the window of the office and I feel my hands shaking.

Seriously, whats scaring me? Its lunch. Just lunch.

"Miss Cabot? You ready?" I hear Casey say from the door, the smile obvious from her voice

I turn to her and I see the smile disappear "Alex? Whats wrong? Are you okay?"

I nod "Yeah.. Yeah sorry.."

"You sure? You're very pale?"

"I'm fine.. I just zoned out there for a minute"

She nods and walks over to me, offering her arm "Lunch?"

I smile "Chivalry is well and alive with you, eh?"

"Of course, women have to be treated properly" she smiles

"Well, thats most definitely scoring you some points Casey" I reply and she holds my jacket as I slip my arms in

"Thank you" I smile and I hold the door for her as she leaves and as she walks out she lightly places a kiss onto my cheek. I feel myself blush, yet again. What is it about her that makes me go like this?

xx

We sit at the table and she asks me what I'd like. I order a chicken salad and she gets a sandwich.

"How was your meeting?" She asks and I smirk

"Are you following me or something?"

"No, I called Kate and she mentioned you were in a meeting"

"Oh.. That makes more sense.."

"Why, did you think I followed you around all day?" She laughed and I laughed too

She takes my hand under the table "You sure you wanna be here? You seem off, Alex, if you wanna go..."

"No, Case. I don't want to go. I'm just..."

"Just..?"

"Nervous. I'm nervous" I admit and she smiles

"Me too"

I raise my eyebrow "You don't seems it.."

"I mask it with humour and flirting"

"Really? So last night you were..?"

"Drunk and captivated by the beautiful woman who was attempting to ask me out and blushing, making her look even more beautiful than usual"

I blush again and she smiles "Just like that"

I laugh lightly "Sorry.."

"Don't apologise Alex.. By the way, are you free tonight?"

"Tonight.. I am. Why?" I question, knowing she was obviously going to suggest our date

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me for dinner?"

"Oh, I think I could manage that.."

She smiles and our lunches are brought over. We eat in a comfortable silence, both thinking of tonight.

xx

I'm just dressed when there is a knock at my door.

I smile, I never gave her my address.

I look out and see her standing, flowers in hand

I open the door a smile on my face

"Are you sure you aren't following me?" I ask and she smiles

"Hello to you too Alex" she offers the flowers and addresses my earlier question

"No, I'm not following you, I did my homework"

"Oh you did, did you? Which of my detectives did you ask?"

"Your detectives? Very possessive Alexandra.."

"You know what I mean.. Which of them was it you asked?"

She smirks "I couldn't give away a CI could I?"

"Confidential Informant.. About my home? Try again Case.."

She laughs "Guess.."

"Well, I'll start with Liv?"

"No.. To be honest, I'm avoiding Olivia"

"Why?"

"She.. has issues with the fact you aren't the ADA anymore. So shes taking that out on me.. In her wes I sorta replaced you"

"Thats ridiculous! Casey, I'm so sorry. I'll have a word-"

"No! Don't. I can fight my own battles Al, its okay"

"If you're sure.."

"I am. So keep guessing.."

"Okay, so not Liv. Erm... Elliot?"

"Nope.."

"Oh my God... John told you!"

She laughs "I talked it out of him.. Well, told him I needed to talk to you urgently and you were gone home, I asked where home was and he told me"

I smile "Duped again John.."

"You ready?" She asks and I grab my purse

"Of course, lets go"

xx

"So, tell me about yourself Alex" Casey says as we eat

I swallow slowly planning to leave out a lot

"Not much to tell really.. I was born in Boston but Dad got work in New York so we moved closer when I was a baby. When I was 18 me and a friend moved into the city permanently and I've never left, but Mom and Dad live in Boston again, near my brother"

"Yeah? That must be a long trip for you to see them.."

"I don't go much.. Work and stuff" I lie. Main reason I don't go, anti-christ Mother.

"Oh.."

"What about you?"

"Well, I was born..."

xx

I see Casey smile into her glass of wine as the music starts playing

"You like this song?" I ask and she nods

"One of my favourites... I like Billy Joel"

I smile "Yeah, this song isn't too bad. My brother always said it suited me"

Casey laughs "Now that you mention it.."

"Hey!" I swat at her

"What? The music video had all the guys drooling after a knockout woman.. You think that doesn't suit?"

"I guess.." I take her hand "Come on, dance"

"Oh.. I don't dance well.."

"Me either" I laugh "Come on, lets be crappy together"

We get about half way into the song and I realise we are doing the routine out of the music video.

I laugh as Casey and I dance the end of the dance and when the song ends there is a round of applause from the bar.

I feel the blood rush to my face. I've blushed more in the last 24 hours then I have in my whole life.

"See, it did suit you.." She says as we sit down and I'm still smiling

"I never would've done that.. Ever. You're a good influence on me"

"Or bad.. Depending on how your looking at it" she replies and I take her hand

"I'm looking at it in a good way"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

"Casey, That was a wonderful evening. Thank you very much" I smile as we walk back towards my house

"It was my pleasure Alex. I'm glad you enjoyed it" she smiles at me and as we arrive at my apartment she takes my hand

"Listen, I'll see you tomorrow Alex" she moves closer to kiss my cheek and I turn her, pressing her lips to mine

We kiss heatedly and she smiles into the kiss as we break apart

"Casey.." I whisper and she keeps her hand on my cheek

"I don't want us to end here Alexandra.. I like you, a lot"

"I like you too Case.." I smile "Listen, come up for a minute, I need to talk with you?"

"Okay" she says taking my hand again and we walk up to my apartment.

xx

We get in and I tell her to sit into the living room and I grab us a drink

I walk in and sit beside her, handing her the glass of wine

"Listen, I don't want us to end either Casey. I just thought it would be awkward between us especially at work.. I just.. I don't want to upset either of our careers"

"Alex, would you prefer if I went to a different office?"

"No! God, Casey, I couldn't ask you to do that! Listen, we will just keep trying, if it isn't working out we will stop"

"That seems fair" Casey smiles

"So.. We're trying this?"

"We are!"

I lean in and kiss her again

"Wait, one more thing, we cant let this out in the office.. I don't like gossip, especially about me. Is that okay? Just for now, can we keep quiet?"

"Of course. It's no one's business but our own"

I smile "Thank you"

"No problem Al. Now, I better go. I'll see you tomorrow... boss"

"Goodbye ADA Novak" I smile as she walks out, a smile on her face.

Well, that went better than I thought it would. She is really sweet and interesting and so so funny.

I'll have to call Abbie and let her know what happened, I bet she's on the edge of her seat to hear how the date went!

xx

I roll over in bed the next morning a smile on my face.

We're really going to try this.

I'll need to tell Liv to lay off her though. Casey is a nice person and she doesn't deserve the abuse I'm sure Olivia is giving her just because she's doing my job.

I decide to go into work early. See Liv. It'd be nice to catch up with her anyway.

I get into the shower and throw in my work attire, I also add some make up. Which I don't usually wear, I don't know maybe on a professional extent dating Casey has its positives too.

xx

"Liv? Hey" I smile, my voice echoing through the empty squad room and she turns to me, a wide smile on her face

"Al! Its so good to see you! What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to catch up with you.. And maybe have a word about something"

"Sure, anything" she smiles

"Its just, um.. Your new ADA, Casey Novak? She mentioned you were a little off with her-"

"Oh my God.. Seriously, she ran to you?-"

"Liv.. Give her a break. She's really sweet. I'm sure when you get to know her you'd like her-"

"Alex.. Do you want to bang her or something?"

I sigh "...We're dating Olivia. So stop giving her a hard time because 'she's taking my job', I'm moving on Liv.. By choice. She didn't steal my job from me, she was hired.."

"Alex Cabot dating an employee.. I'm shocked" she smirks and I laugh

"Actually, Abbie brought me out because she was 'sick of me being single' so we went clubbing.. I saw Casey and got to talking and then realised she was my ADA.. I didn't just say 'oh I want to fuck my assistant', she is really interesting and so funny, and my good side comes out when I'm with her-"

"You love her, don't you?" She asks and I shake my head

"I don't know.. We've been on one date. Liv, I've actually never felt this way about anybody.. Its crazy.. I hardly even know her and yet I trust her like I'd trust you or Abs"

"Yeah, You love her.. Just don't let her hurt you. Please."

"I wont, and if she does then I give you and Abbie full permission to hit her"

Liv laughs "Okay.. I'm happy you're happy Alex. Now, you better get to work.. Wouldn't want you to be late"

"Okay. Listen, I'll call you, we should all go out sometime.."

"All?"

"Yeah, Case, Abs, you and me. It'd be fun"

"Sure, just text when" she smiles and hugs me before I make my way to work.

Thats one thing down. Now, I'll need to come up with an idea for a date with Casey..

Hmm.. Dancing was fun, especially because we both sucked at it.

Maybe a movie and a drink?

A meal?

I don't know, I'll keep thinking..

Next thing on my list, my birthday. Its in just over a month. And I know what you're thinking, I'm planning way to early, oh no, I'm trying to stop planning.

Last year, Abbie brought us out for drinks and that ended with my leg in a cast and sixteen stitches.. Yeah, happy birthday.

And, I thought maybe that monstrosity would cool her off a big party, ya know? Maybe we could have a quiet meal at home?

But no. I already hear;

'Oh we'll have to go here for your birthday'

A month in advance! One whole month away and shes plotting. And I just know she will get Casey involved. She wouldn't be Abbie if she didn't.

I'll warn Casey. Tell her how I hate things like that.. Casey will calm her down.

Yeah... Fat chance.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

"Alex.." Casey says walking into my office and I look up at her my stressed mood suddenly slipping away when I see her smile

"Hey Casey" I smile back

"I take it Abbie Carmichael is a friend of yours?" She asks and I audibly groan

"One of my best. Why.. What has she been saying?"

"We've been discussing a birthday party for you.."

"-I'm not going" I cut in

"She said you'd say that.. Thats why I'm to mention Sparky"

"My childhood dog? Whats that got to do with anything?"

"You'll see when you get home.. Lets just say Abbie and I went on a shopping trip and I got you an early present.."

"Oh my god.. You did not buy me a dog" I smile

"Maybe..." She trails and my jaw drops

"Case, you didn't have to do that-"

"-Don't be silly, I wanted to. Anyway, wait till you see him. Oh my God, he is the cutest little thing ever"

"Wait.. What age is this dog?"

"12 weeks.."

"Awww! He's a puppy! Casey.. Thank you" I hug her and she kisses my cheek

"Abbie helped too.. She told me about Sparky so we tried to pick a dog out that was similar to him.. She reckons he's fairly accurate"

I smile. I used to love that dog. "Thank you Casey"

"Tell me when you're going home. I want to be there when you see him"

She smile, shes nearly as excited as I am. Like two children on Christmas morning.

"Oh by the way, you don't get him unless you agree to the party"

I laugh "You two will be the death of me, ya know that? Blackmail.." I tsk and she laughs

"Get used to it. Something tells me that Abbie and I will get on great together.."

xx

"Oh my God! Look at you!" I say picking the puppy up and resting him in my arms

Casey smiles "So you like him?"

"I love him. Thank you Casey" I kiss her cheek and she pets the pup

"So, you have a name for him yet?"

"No.. Not yet, I'll think of something"

I leave him down and I hear Casey laugh as he starts jumping and running around

I smile "He is so cute.. Casey thank you but trust me you really didn't need to-"

"Al, I wanted to.." she smiles "Look at him, how could I not?"

He rubs up against me and I bend back down to him and he starts running again

"What do you think about calling him Racer?" I ask looking at the small puppy try and chase his tail

"Racer.. I like it" she smiles and pats the small spaniel

"Hey Racer" she says and the dog barks at her

I laugh "I think it suits alright. Something tells me for the next few days all I'm going to hear is nails hitting the tiles"

Casey takes my hand "Yes but he is very cute and you love him"

"Thats true" I smile and kiss Casey

"You are amazing"

She runs her hand along my arm "I think you are mistaken, you're the one thats amazing Al"

I lead her over to the couch and she pulls me in close. We lay together on the couch and Racer sits on the ground beside us

She begins playing with my hair and after a minute looks me in the eye

"Alex.. I think I'm falling for you"

"I know how you feel.." I admit and she rests her hand on my knee

"This is going so fast and if I'm honest I'm terrified Alex... This is a huge deal"

"It is.. I don't know, I've never felt like this before.. Just seeing you makes me feel happy."

"Me too Al.." She smiles and leans down and kisses me.

After a minute of kissing she pulls back

"I.. don't want to rush into anything" she says and I take her hand

"Me either. We'll wait until we're both ready Casey"

"Good.." She sighs in what I assume is relief

"Casey, its okay. Seriously, don't rush into something you don't want to do"

"Its not that I don't want to Al.. I do"

I lift her chin to bring her eyes to meet mine

"Its okay..."

I see tears in her eyes and she stands off the couch

"I'm sorry, I have to go. See you tomorrow.."

She walks out and leaves me sitting in shock on the couch, okay, now what was that about.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

I walk into my office the next morning to be greeted by a bunch of roses on my desk.

I smile and read the card

'Dinner, Alexandra? x'

I bite my lip. I'll need to talk with Casey about yesterday anyway so maybe dinner is the right time to do it.

I look up when I hear the knock at the door

"Miss Cabot you have been requested to attend a meeting.."

"Okay, give me five minutes"

xx

I walk back into my office, three hours later, my hair in a make shift bun. I drop into my chair and sigh.

Ah five minutes peace.

Then there is a knock at the door. Of course there is.

I growl "Yes?"

Kate walks in "Sorry Miss Cabot but you have a visitor.."

"Who?"

"A gentleman, tall, dark, handsome"

Well that didn't help me at all.. "Send him in"

I look up and groan internally when I see Trevor Langan, a smile on his face standing in my door way

"Alexandra" he smiles "how nice to see you"

"Trevor, to what do I owe this pleasure" I say sarcastically

"Well, I said I'd call over because you never responded to my offer"

"Offer? What offer?"

"Dinner? Tonight.."

I gasp "The roses? Oh... Trevor. I, um, I couldn't- I cant I'm sorry. I'm actually in a relationship. Thats why I didn't respond to you, I thought it was from someone else"

"Oh... I'm sorry Alexandra"

"Its not an issue Trevor"

"Well, call me if it doesn't work with that guy, okay?"

"Sure.." Not. Not. Not. Jesus.. Not if we were the last two people on earth, I'd rather the human civilisation die out..

"Okay, well I'll let you get back to work. Nice seeing you Alex"

"You too Trevor..." He turns to leave and I stop him "Wait, Trev, try talking to my secretary Kate, she said you were handsome.."

"She did? Thanks Al"

I smile as he leaves. He isn't a horrible guy but just isn't my type..

Yeah, I like the complete opposite. Women.

Speaking of women, I'm going to need to call Casey.

Maybe invite her over to mine. Talk to her about last night.

I take out my cell and type a message

'Hey, just wondering if you were up for dinner tonight at mine? - Al'

I get a reply in minutes

'Yeah sure. I'll need to talk to you anyway. What time?'

'8 suit?'

'Perfect. See you then'

I sigh. Okay.. What will I get for dinner. It'll have to be take out because lets face it, my cookery is disastrous. I'd prefer not to burn down my apartment..

God knows I'm too preoccupied to even attempt to cook.

What was that with Casey about? I need her to know she can talk to me, about anything I'm here for her. Even as a friend. Anything.

Ah well, I'll find out tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"Hey puppy" I say petting Racer and walking into the kitchen to set up the meal

I plate up the pasta and stick it in the oven to keep warm.

I take out the wine, something tells me we're going to need alcohol.

Racer is running around the hall when I here the knock on the door. I smile and answer the door, seeing Casey with what's obviously a fake smile in her face

"Hey Al.." She says and I stand back letting her in

"Hey. How was work? I didn't see you much today"

"Yeah.. I, um, had somethings to do"

I ask her to sit at the table and she smiles taking a mouthful of wine.

I serve up the pasta and she thanks me.

The whole meal passes and she hardly speaks a word, and the silence begins to get unbearable.

"Case... Whatever's wrong, its okay. I'm here to listen"

She looks up at me and I flash her a soft, caring smile.

"Okay... Can we talk in the living room?"

"Of course. Just give a minute to clean up here and I'll be out. By the way, Racer is in there, so keep an eye out, he'll run under your feet"

I see her flash me a proper smile this time and she walks into the living room.

After a minute I join her and we sit together on the couch.

"Case.." I start after a minute "Listen, okay? Whatever it is, you can talk to me"

"I know. I'm just trying to find a way to say it.."

"Whatever you think of, just say it? We can make sense of it after"

She nods but remains silent.

After a minute she lifts her top a little and reveals a rather large scar, going across just below her stomach.

I run my finger over the scar and after a minute kiss her cheek

"Thats what upset you?"

She nods "Its... ugly"

I take her hand "It isn't. Its part of you, and you are beautiful. My beautiful girlfriend"

I see her smile sadly "Thank you, but Alex I'm not blind, I can see it-"

"Yeah you can, but you don't see it like I do. Casey, its part of you. A part, no matter how much you want to, you cant get rid of it. I don't know why you'd want it too. You are still beautiful. This doesn't change that, not in my eyes"

She takes my hand

"I suppose I should tell you... I don't know, we aren't even near a stage to discuss it but you should know the reason I have the scar"

"Okay" I nod and take her hand

She squeezes my hand and sighs "I-I cant have children"

"Okay. Thats okay Casey. Thats okay." I cup her cheek "Don't stress yourself out Case. If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

"When I was a kid, I suffered with horrible stomach cramps, from the time I was around 7 and then when puberty hit, Mom brought me to the doctor. She did some tests and found out that I had an abnormality of the womb.. I-I had to have an operation and they basically just shut me down. Took it all. I'm bare.."

"Case, its alright. If the time comes where we want to discuss children, we can sort something. There are loads of options. Please, don't let this upset you. I don't like seeing you upset" I say as I wipe away one of the tears that has rolled down her cheek "Its okay"

She hugs me and I hold her, not wanting her to pull back

"Thank you Al"

"No problem Casey"

She kisses me and as it gets more heated I slip my hands around to her back under her shirt

She smiles and I still my hands

"You sure?" I ask and she nods

"I am... I trust you Al. Keep going, make love to me"

I wrap my arms around her and lift her into my arms and she shrieks

"Alex! Put me down! Down!"

I laugh and walk her down to the room the whole time she's

laughing.

This feels right.

I love her. I really love her.

Thats crazy though.. We've only been on a couple of dates. I know. But, what can you do. The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants Casey Novak.

I love her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

I lay her on the bed, the whole time our eyes locked on each other.

We're doing this.

Making love. Yes, making love. It feels more appropriate than saying I was fucking her.

I wouldn't do that, not yet anyway.

See, for me making love is so much of a kinder, gentler act.

Fucking is more raw passion in the heat of the moment. Aching for one another.

That ache is still there when you make love, just, you enjoy it more. You enjoy the pleasure you take from each other, no matter how fast or slow you take it.

I slowly peel her shirt off, fully exposing her scar and before I even look to her full, beautiful breasts, I move lower, down to the scar it took her so much courage to show me earlier.

The pain she must've went through.

I begin to place slow kisses along the flawed skin, light, barely there kisses.

She looks down to me, tears shimmering in her beautiful green eyes. She tries to talk but all that comes out is a whimper, emotion taking over.

"You are beautiful Casey.." I whisper running my hand over the scar "Beautiful. And I don't want this to make you think less of yourself, of your beauty. This, this doesn't define you. You are just as beautiful with it as you would be without it.. Please, don't doubt that.."

I move back up her body, one hand still resting on the scar. I use the other to wipe her tears and then I kiss her. A passion filled kiss that I never want to end.

One of the kisses that makes your head spin. And my God, spin it does.

I pull back and she smiles at me "Thank you" she whispers and I run my hand down over her breasts, still in the mint green bra

"And may I say, that colour is gorgeous on you Casey. Really highlights your skin tone.."

She moans and I slip my hands around and undo the bra, her breasts released from the barrier.

I cup her in my hands and begin to play with her nipples, arousing her.

I smirk as she begs me to remove some of my own clothes, claiming that its 'not fair that I'm still dressed'.

I begin to slowly undo my blouse and I see her eyes light up

"Wow.. Al, you're flawless" she breathes out as my blouse hits my bedroom floor

I move my lips to her ear, putting gentle pressure on her earlobe then letting go

"We are all flawed darling, its just the scars aren't always visible ones"

I begin to slowly slide her trousers off, 'accidentally' brushing my hand off her skin at times, making her inhale sharply

I smile and move my hand up her thigh

"I want you Casey" I whisper out and her hips grind off the duvet, trying desperately to get some friction where she needs it.

"You have me Alexandra.. All of me. Have me"

I feel my heart rate soar. Pulsing in time with the beat below my waist.

God, she is making me feel like I've never felt before. And yes, that sounds cliché and I'm sure everyone thinks it now and again after a nice fuck but this is actually different and I don't know why.

Maybe this is what true love feels like.

Maybe I didn't really love the others I was with, because it never felt this way for me. None of them did.

I see the wetness seep through her panties and smile. I grab the waistband and quickly push it down over her legs

I look back up at her. A smile on her face.

"Beautiful.." I say as I slide my fingers inside her. She moans and I do too, feeling how wet she has become from my teasing

She spreads her legs further apart and I begin to slowly finger her. Spreading her hot wetness all around her pussy.

I love this. Hearing how wet she is, its beyond arousing.

I move my fingers to her clit and keep rubbing but this time adding more pressure.

I feel her shiver and I smile. She's not too far away now.

I move my fingers urgently and I feel her clasp my free hand

"I-I need you in me" she grunts out and as I keep the rapid movements going I push three more fingers inside her, her pussy taking them with ease

Its my turn to grunt now as I rub her off and at the same time rub myself on the duvet, my wetness soaking the material

"Oh Case!" I moan out and she slams her eyes shut

"P-Please! Ugh! Al!" Her hips jump off the bed one last time as I fill her up with my fingers

She screams my name as she hits her high and I remove my hand that was placed on her clit and begin fucking myself, the other hand still buried deep inside her

She watches me and begins fondling my breasts

"Come on Alex... Finish for me"

I move my fingers faster, stroking my clit

"Oh! Oh Casey! Yes! Yes! Casey!" I scream, cuming hard over my duvet and my hand.

I watch as Casey sits up, removes my fingers from herself and lays me down, lowering her head to my pussy

"Oh Al... The minute you take your fingers from yourself all that hot cum will cover the bed. Unless... I take it"

"Take it!" I moan and she smirks

"Let me just clean a little first.."

She dips her head down, sliding her tongue everywhere in my pussy. I moan as she grazes my clit, several times.

She knows how to drive me crazy.

She wraps her fingers around my wrist and slowly inches me out of myself.

I watch as she laps up all the hot liquid and swallows.

When its all drank from my pussy she slips my fingers into her mouth and sucks the cum from them. Even licking over them one by one.

"That was amazing" she whispers and I hold her in close to me

"It really was.."

We lay in silence, just listening to each others breathing

"I love you Al" she says after a fee minutes

"I love you too Case"

She hits the switch behind her and turns out the lights. She cuddles closer to me and I slip asleep. How perfect was that?

I haven't felt this good in years.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

I'm pulled from sleep by Casey who was obviously attempting to be quiet but was failing

'No!.. Why don't you get off your ass and look after her yourself?.. Don't be like that you know I love her but she's your daughter, I have other plans I cant just drop my life to mind her when you call.. You always do this!.. Fine! I'll take her, she'd probably be better with me anyway.. No, i'm not home.. I'm at a friends, I don't see why thats your business.. Yes its a woman.. Oh shut up, I'm taking your daughter for the day stop shouting abuse at me.. A thank you would be good?'

"Okay then..." I hear her huff and slam the phone on the table

I roll over to face her and see her holding he head in her hands

"Case? What was that about?"

She turns around, tears in her eyes "Sorry.. Did I wake you?"

"Doesn't matter. What was it about? You're obviously upset?"

"My sister.. Calling me asking me to babysit"

"Yeah? Whats upset you?"

"She.. she always does this. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Jess like she was my own but I spend more time with her than her mother does. I think its unfair to both Jess and me.."

"It is unfair.. How often do you spend with her?"

"Any of my days off basically.."

"Case.. You cant let your sister take up all your days off"

"Thats the problem, I cant say no to her.. I love Jess and I know she would be better off with me for a few hours away from my disaster of a sister"

"Well, for today, I'd like to help, if you'll have me?"

She smiles "Of course! I'd love Jess to meet you"

"Good, lets get ready. What time is she dropping her off at?"

"I'm to call when I get home and she'll be over.."

"Okay, lets get ready then"

"You sure you want to spend your day off helping me look after my niece?"

"Of course! It'll be fun.."

"Thanks Alex.."

I roll out of bed and walk over and sit into her lap

"No problem babe"

She smiles "By the way, last night was amazing Al.. You sure are talented"

"Me? I have memories of your mouth on me and good God, your tongue.. Case, talent isn't the word for what you did to me"

She smirks "Maybe we could have a repeat then?"

"Oh definitely" I reply and she slips her hands up my thighs

I stop her "We need to get ready"

"I'm going to kill my sister"

I laugh "Don't do it when I'm around. Thats all you'll need.. a credible witness"

"Mmm.. You'd lie for me though"

"Would I? That would break the law.. That would be bad" I say seductively

"That would make you a bad girl.." She moves her hand back down my leg

"Bad girls need to punished don't they?"

"Oh I think they do" She leans in to kiss me and I kiss her cheek and stand up, winking at her

"Maybe later?"

She moans "Later.. Now, I assume you're having a shower"

I smirk "I am. You care to join me?"

"Gladly.."

xx

"So, this is my home" she says as we walk in to the rather large apartment

Woah.

"Case, this place is gorgeous"

She smiles "Thanks.. Now, go and make yourself comfortable, the living room is just through there" she points at a door "I'll just call Denise and get her to drop Jess over"

I walk around the living room, looking at different things. Decorations, books, pictures. Then I spot the picture of a smiling Casey, sitting in the park with a young girl, around 5 or 6.

I smile as I study the picture, seeing the girls arms draped around Casey's neck and Casey's arms around the girls waist.

I feel Casey's arms slip around my waist and she rests her head on my shoulder

"Thats Jess" she says and I lean back into her

"She's 6.. Ya know, I'd do anything for that girl, anything. I'd die for her, Al, need to sort my sister out.. For Jessica's sake"

"Can I ask, what does your sister do that you want to sort her out?"

"What doesn't she do should be your question.. Alcohol, drugs, men"

"Men? So Jess's father isn't around?"

"No.. He left when Jess was a baby. Sometimes I think It woulda been best if he had taken Jess.."

"I know at times you think that would've been good but Case, then you would've never had the time you've had with her. I bet she looks up to you. And It's clear you adore her. Try and sort your sister out.."

"She never listens.. I love my sister but I just wish she would see how she is hurting her daughter.."

"I know baby.." I run my hand along her back

"Thank you Al.. For being here and stuff, it helps"

"I'm happy to.. Anyway I want to meet Jess"

She turns me around so I'm facing her and cups my cheek "I love you Alex"

"Love you too Casey" I kiss her and we are interrupted by a knock on the door

Casey pulls back and smile "Shes here"

She goes to the door and when she comes back she has the girl in her arms

"Jess.. This is my girlfriend Alex. Alex, this is Jessica, my niece"

Casey smiles and puts the girl down on the ground and she walks over to me, a smile on her face

"Hi Alex"

"Hi Jessica" I smile and drop to my hunkers "How are you?"

"M'kay.. Do you want to come outside? Me and Casey go to the park when I'm here. Sometimes we go to McDonalds after.."

"Well, I think thats a good idea.. As long as its okay with Casey we can go?"

Casey smiles at me "I guess it'll be okay.."

Jessica grabs my hand and Casey's and brings us too the door. I laugh as Casey tickles the girl and Jess screams, laughs and begs for me to 'save her'.

I go behind Casey and tickle her, stopping her tickling Jess, who runs to the kitchen..

"I thought you were on my side?" Casey jokes and pulls me in close to her

I laugh and kiss her cheek

"You keep thinking that" I smile as Jess comes back in

"Is it safe? Casey wont tickle me.."

I smile "I'm sure she wont Jess"

Jess grabs her jacket from the chair and walks over beside me

"Can we go?"

Casey and I laugh and I take her hand

"Shall we?"

She kisses my cheek "Lets go!"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

"Al, you want an ice cream?"

"No thanks honey, I'm gonna go sit over on the bench"

As I turn to walk away I hear Jess ask Casey if she go and sit with me and I turn back around

Casey looks at me and I shrug. Why not?

The girl runs up beside me and we walk over to the bench.

We are both watching Casey getting the ice cream (and coffee, for me) when Jess turns to me

"Alex?"

I smile and look down "Yeah Jess?"

"Do you love aunt Casey?"

I smile "I do. Why?"

"Its just 'cause I like you and I don't want you to go away"

"I wont go away" I smile and pat the girls back "Why? Who went away?"

"Lori.. She said she loved Casey too but she went away and it made Casey cry. I seen her cry one day when she minded me..She just said she was sad cause Lori wasn't there. I like you more than Lori anyways.. She was mean"

The thought of Casey crying over this woman breaks my heart. The thought of her being so upset and having no support.. It makes me want to find this Lori chick and kick her teeth in..

Oh, God. I'm protective. Possessive. I suppose their not a bad qualities.

I laugh despite my thoughts "I wont go away Jess, I promise. And thank you, I'm glad you like me, I like you too"

Casey walks over and sees me smiling and asks what we were talking about

"Nothing" I say but Jess beats me to it

"Lori making you sad.."

Casey's eyes widen "I, um, okay. Why are you talking about that?" She asks Jess

"Cause, I wanted to know if Alex was going to go away like Lori did. She said no and I told her Lori made you sad"

"Oh.. Okay. Well heres your ice cream.." She hands the girl the treat and hands me my coffee

"Oh, Al, I'm so sorry, that must have been so awkward!-" she whispers and I squeeze her now free hand

"Its fine Casey. Really. She just doesn't like you being upset. I can see why. The thought of that woman getting you so upset makes me want to.."

"Rip her hair out?" She offers

"I was thinking more kick her teeth in, but that works too"

Casey smiles and keeps her hold on my hand, interlocking our fingers

"So, whats the plan now?" I ask and she smiles

"McDonalds.."

I bite my lip "Okay.."

She looks at me and smirks "Let me guess, not your thing?"

"No.. Far from my thing. But I'm sure one meal wont hurt"

"Well, don't worry, I have chicken and rice at home for proper dinner, we normally only get something small in McDonalds anyway"

"Okay.. I'm not too hungry"

We look over to Jess who's face is covered in ice cream, even some just under her eye. I'm not even sure how it got there.

"Jess, use your tissue" Casey says and the girl takes the tissue from around the cone and wipes around her mouth, still leaving a lot of the dessert on her face

I smile as Casey reaches over and wipes the rest off with her thumb

"Now, thats better. Jess, you ready to walk to McDonalds?"

I smile at the girl who hops out of the chair "Yep!"

xx

"Try it Al! Live a little!" Casey urges me and Jess moves her fries closer to me

"Just a little bit?" she smiles at me and I pick a couple of fries up, even the sight of them making me queasy.

This food is too processed. Way too processed.

I force them into my mouth and Casey smirks "Good?"

"Hmm" I hum as I chew the sticks of grease

Jess smiled "Told ya she'd like them" she announces proudly and Casey takes my hand

"You hated every second of that.. Thank you for trying it" she smiles and I nod

"Next time, I'll bring salad"

"They sell salad here-"

"Thanks but I'll make my own up. I like to know whats going into my food"

"Good point.. Yeah, I still eat it, the burgers here are awesome"

She nearly moans as she chews the cheese burger and all I can think of is when she made that noise last night.

How it felt as I ran my fingers through her wet-

Oh God.. I'm becoming addicted to sex. Or maybe I'm addicted to Casey? Either way, its hardly appropriate to be thinking of it here, with Jess present.

Casey must notice me flush because I feel her hand slide up my thigh

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"N-Nothing.." I push her hand down and she grins

"Yeah.. Right"

I clear my head and when I focus again Casey asks Jess if she's ready to go home

Jess nods and Casey grabs my hand

"Lets go then.."

xx

Around two hours later I have the rice and chicken plated up (which I managed not to burn by never leaving the cooker) and as I walk down to the living room I hear very off key singing.

I smile and open the door, Casey and Jess are doing Karaoke.

I look to the screen and see what they are singing. Casey is going to get made fun of for this.

"Dinner is ready" I say knocking on the door to make sure they hear me

Jess immediately drops her microphone and goes to the kitchen leaving Casey and I to clean up.

I smirk as I power off the machine

"So... Justin Bieber then"

She looks over at me "She's 6, she's not going to be singing Queen"

"Still, you seemed to know every word.."

"He's not the worst.."

I smile "He's not the best. Anyone else I should be looking out for? One Direction?"

"I love One Direction!" she shrieks and I raise my eyebrow

"Anyone else?"

"No.. that seems to be it"

"I think thats adorable Case.. Its sweet that you get so into it. You really love her"

She nods "I do.. Come on, lets get dinner"

I take her hand and start humming the song they were singing and she smiles at me "See.. Told ya, its catchy"

I smile and we go and get our dinner.

When we finish the meal Casey and Jess ask me if I want to join in with the Karaoke

"I need to clean up after dinner"

"No you don't.." Casey says and I smirk at her

"I cant sing-"

"I cant either.. Come on Al.. For me?"

I laugh "Well I can hardly say no to that, can I?"

She smiles "That was the point.. Now I'm picking your song"

I see Jess whisper to her and the two of them basically run to the living room.

Great. The two of them are plotting. Just what I need..

I smile. Casey is really good with Jess, it so cute seeing her so maternal.

I bet if we had kids-

Woah. No.. Way too early for that!

xx

Two hours and several One Direction songs later I hear a knock at the door.

Casey asks me to stay with Jess and a couple of minutes later I hear Casey shouting

"You're drunk Denise! Not a hope in hell I'm giving her to you when you're in this state!"

I wince. Poor Jess.. Poor Casey.

This must be so rough on them.

Casey walks back in to the room and tells Jess thats shes sleeping over.

Jess smiles and hugs Casey then she turns to me

"Are you staying too Alex?"

I look to Casey who bite's her lip "I don't have a spare room, it might be a tight squeeze with the three of us in bed.. I could take the couch?"

"I have a spare room at my place? If you want..?"

Casey smiles and Jess hugs me "It'll be a real sleepover now!"

Casey takes my hand

"Thank you.."

"No problem Case. You wanna talk later about what happened?"

She nods and hugs me. After a minute I pull back

"You wanna go?"

She nods "I'll just get some stuff"

"Okay.. We walking or driving?"

"Walking.. If you don't mind?"

"No, not at all. I'll be in the living room, call when you're ready"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

"Miss Cabot?" Kate calls as I walk in "Have you, um, got a newspaper today?"

"No? Why?"

She hands me a paper with my picture on the front and Casey's, as well as one of us walking with Jess, the two of us holding hands. The headline reads

'DAting Employee's Seems To Be Okay For Some'

I gasp and order Kate to go buy as many as she can find.

I hand her my bank card and write my access code on a slip of paper and she rushes out.

I go to my office and call Casey.

"Did you see it?" She asks as soon as the call connects

"Yes.. Just now. Case.. Whats going to happen?"

"Lets see.. I'll be fired?"

"You'll be fired?! My ass, you'll get off with a warning!"

"Alex.. Lets face it we fucked up.. It shouldn't have ever happened"

"Yeah we did.." I sigh, blinking back tears in my eyes

"I think we should break up"

I just hum a reply and before I hang up I hear her whisper "Happy Birthday Alex"

I disconnect the call and burst into tears and as I do, there is a knock at my door

"Go away!"

The person walks in despite and I look up to see Jack McCoy looking down to me

"I believe we have a problem.."

I just nod and he sits across from me

"Alex.. How could you get involved with her! You know the rules.."

"Well, we just broke up so it doesn't really matter, does it?!"

He puts his hand over mine "Alex.."

"Jack.. If I'm going to be fired will you just tell me already!"

"I'm not firing you Alex.. Or Casey.. I was going to suggest you both just be more careful but.."

I nod "Jack, I'm taking a personal day.."

"I agree, maybe take the rest of the week.. Let this blow over?"

"Yeah.. Thanks Jack"

"I like you Alex, you are a damn good DA.. Please, don't let this mess you up"

"I wont" I promise as I grab my jacket and bag and walk out.

I feel all eyes on me the whole way to the car and then I hear someone shout

"Alex!" I look up and see Abbie run towards me

I get into my car and she gets in beside me

"Al.."

I start crying again and she holds me close

"What happened?"

"I'm taking the week off.. We broke up"

"You what?! Why?!"

"Because no matter how much we love each other we shouldnt've got together.. It was a mistake"

"Alex, you shouldn't have broken up with her.."

"I didn't.. She broke up with me"

"That bitch-"

"Abs, we shouldn't have been together anyway.."

"Come on, lets go, we have birthday planning to do"

"Abbie, I'm not doing anything for it, I just want to-"

"We're going out. I have a party planned, we're going to it"

"Fine.. There better be alcohol"

"Of course there is, do you not know me?"

I laugh despite my tears and wipe my eyes before driving home.

This will be a long day.

xx

I sit at the bar, a drink in my hand as I watch Abbie over talking to some blonde by the bar.

I drink down the end of my drink as I hear the opening bars of Uptown Girl start.

I laugh bitterly and order another drink and then Abbie walks over

"Do you plan on leaving the bar at all tonight?"

"I'm good here, thanks" I say taking a mouthful of wine

Uptown Girl finishes and I nearly scream in anger as One Direction comes on.

"Abbie where is the fucking jukebox!" I growl and she smiles

"Why? Not a 1D fan"

"Not even a little bit.." She laughs and we walk towards the jukebox

Abbie smile and taps me and I look up to see Casey standing there

"Hey.. Look who's here"

I turn to her "Yeah.. Because you didn't plan that at all"

She smiles "Go talk to her.."

"I don't want to.."

"Yes you do.."

I walk over to Casey, who smiles awkwardly

"Hey Al.."

I nod "Hey.."

"Alex... About today, I-I'm sorry, I was scared, I shouldnt've broke up with you.. It was a mistake. I'm sorry"

"It was a mistake?! Jack McCoy spent fifteen minutes talking to me as I cried into my desk about us breaking up! So yeah, it was a pretty big mistake Casey"

"Alex.. I'm sorry okay? I was afraid we'd be fired.. I thought.. No I didn't think, I'm sorry Alex, please, forgive me"

"How do I know you wont just dump me again when things get hard for us?"

"Give me a chance to prove it to you that I wont. Please Al.."

I walk over to her and pull her into a hug

"You hurt me Casey.. That mistake hurt me"

"I know, and I'll keep apologising until I take away all that hurt. I'll prove it to you.."

"Okay.." I breathe out

"I love you Alexandra. I'm sorry"

"Love you too Casey" I kiss her cheek

"Do you want to dance?" I ask and she smiles

"I don't dance well.."

"Me either.. Come on, lets be crappy together.."

She smiles and wraps her arms around me

"I'm sorry I hurt you.. Upset you.." she whispers and I bury my head into her neck

"Forget it.. Just, forget it. Okay?"

She nods and kisses my forehead.

I missed her. It wasn't even 12 hours and I missed her.

"I love you" I mumble again and she just holds me as we dance together.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

I wake up to Casey walking out of the bathroom

"Mmm, Casey.. Come back to bed" I moan and she walks over and slips in behind me

"Good morning" she says as she links her arms around my waist

"Morning.."

She begins to place kisses down my neck and I turn to face her

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay... You?"

"Good.. I think I drank too much last night"

Casey smiles "Headache?"

I moan and she kisses my forehead "We can relax today"

"We can.. Casey, I know I asked to forget it but can we talk about yesterday?"

"Okay" she says sitting up and I take her hand into mine

"Lay back down with me"

She nods and moves back down beside me. I pull her close

"Listen, I understand that you were scared and we were on the verge of loosing our jobs but Case, I need you to trust me. When things get hard, I want you to stay with me, not run"

"I just... I didn't want to be the one who cost you your job Al.. I thought if you could tell Jack we weren't together he wouldn't fire you. Alex, I do trust you, more than anyone and I love you.. I'm sorry I hurt you so bad"

I feel her tears hit my skin and kiss her

"I know.. I know. Oh, Baby don't cry. I love you too. Casey, whatever happens, I want you to know we can go through it together. When somethings wrong I want to be able to turn to you, know I have you to support me and I need you to do the same or there is no way we will survive"

"Thank you Alexandra"

I kiss her again and she resumes placing her kisses down my neck

"We should get up.." I say and she grinds her hips into me

"Mmm, or we could do something else?"

"Well.. I think I might like that"

xx

There is a knock on my door around an hour later and I get out of bed and walk down to the door

I throw my hoodie on and open the door to reveal Trevor, who walks straight in past me

"Alex! You coulda told me this 'relationship' you're in is just banging the hot ADA.."

I scowl at him "Trevor, she means more than that to me.. What do you want?"

"I want to open your eyes about this. Alexandra, what has she got that I haven't?"

Sex appeal? A personality? A heart? Take your pick..

"Trevor, this isn't about what she has that you don't. This is about me loving her.. not you"

"Alexandra, do you hear yourself?! Why would you want her?"

"Because, as I said, I love her.."

"Alex, don't be silly, you cant love her" He cups my cheek and I pull back

"Trevor, leave please"

He moves in closer to me and places his lips to mine, I push him back

"I love you Alexandra"

"Well, I'm sorry, I don't love you Trevor"

"You heard her Trevor.. Leave" I hear Casey growl and I smile

"Casey.. Its okay, Trevor was just leaving.." I say turning to look at him and he nods

"Okay. I'll go, but Alexandra, you are making a big mistake"

"I don't think I am Trev, but if we find out I am, you can 100% rub it in my face"

"I'll remember that Alexandra"

"Get out Trevor!" Casey growls again and I hold her back from going for Trevor

"Casey, leave him. Please just go down to the room"

She turns, one more time glaring at Trevor, who backs out of the apartment

I stop him outside the door "Trevor, stay away from me, please. I'm happy now"

"Okay, Al. I wont bother you again"

"Goodbye Trevor" I kiss his cheek and he blushes

"Goodbye Alex"

I walk back down to the room to find Casey fuming

"What the fuck is his problem! How dare he come here and lecture you-"

I rest my hand in her shoulder "Case, baby, relax. Forget him. He just has some silly schoolboy crush. He'll get over it"

"He'd fucking want too.."

I kiss her an cup her cheek "You're it for me, okay? If I wanted Trevor, I'd choose him, but I don't, I want you Casey"

She kisses me again and leads me down to the kitchen "Breakfast?"

"Its 3pm?"

She smiles "Okay, Dinner then?"

I laugh "Sure.."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

"Jess! Slow down or you'll fall!" Casey calls to the girl, who still runs across the park and I pull Casey onto the bench

"She's a kid, you are at nothing.. Let her run with the dog"

"Can you believe how big he's gotten? Its been what, 7 months?"

"Yep.. Well, spaniels are big enough dogs, he is still our little puppy"

"Thats true" she kisses my neck and I pull away

"Your niece is just there.."

"Mmmm"

I stand up and she looks lost

"Al.. Sit down"

I laugh and walk over to Jess and Racer and Jess jumps up into my arms

"Hey honey"

"Hey Alex" she smiles and kisses my nose

I laugh and ruffle her hair, putting her back down beside Racer who jumps at me

"Hey pup" I scratch his ear and he barks

"Jess, you wanna go to McDonalds?" I ask and she nods

"Yeah! Can we take Racer?"

I laugh "He wont be allowed in but I'll take him for a walk while you and Casey eat, okay?"

"M'kay! Lets go!"

xx

Later that evening Casey and Jess are playing soccer in the garden and after a while I hear Jess crying

I turn and see Casey with the girl in her arms

"Oh baby.. Don't cry" Casey soothes and I walk over

"What happened?"

"She fell" Casey says and I motion for Casey to hand the upset girl to me

She passes the girl over and I rock her in my arms. She buries her head into my neck and still sobs

"Jess.. Honey? Its okay.. Sshh. Don't be sad. Look, will we get some chocolate? I think there might be some here somewhere" I say and she pulls back and I see her smile and nod despite the tears rolling down her flushed cheeks

I cuddle her into me and grab some chocolate from the press

I sit her at the table and hand her some milk with the bar

"That better? Where did you hurt when you fell?"

She pulls up her trouser leg, showing a gash on her leg and I go over to the sink and wet a cloth, dabbing it on the cut

She tenses and I rub her leg with my free hand

"It's nearly over honey" I say and peel off the cloth

She eats her chocolate and I ruffle her hair

"You okay now kiddo?"

"Yep, thanks aunt Alex"

I smile "No problem honey. Now, you wanna go out to Casey?"

She hops off the chair and runs from the kitchen and I wash up her glass, a smile on my face.

Aunt Alex.

I walk out to the living room a few minutes and find it empty. I walk down the hall and find the bedroom door open slightly.

I stand outside and hear Casey tell Jess a bedtime story and cant help feel my smile get bigger.

She is so sweet! I'm sure she'll make a great Mom someday.

"Where's Mom, Casey?" The girl asks and I hear Casey sigh

"Um, I'm not sure, this morning when she dropped you off I didn't know she'd be staying out late so I'm going to give her a call and see, okay? Don't worry J, I'm sure she just lost track of time"

I peep my head in and smile at the drowsy girl

"Hey Jess, I just came in to say goodnight"

"Night aunt Alex" I kiss her cheek and she loops her arms around my neck

"Night" I say and cover her back over with the comforter

I look over to Casey who is smiling proudly. I flash her an equally big smile and we both leave, each saying goodnight from the door again

We get to the living room and Casey pulls me into a hug

"I love you Alex"

"I love you too Case" I whisper holding her into me and then there is a knock at the door

Casey looks at her watch "Well, she's only four hours late.. An improvement I guess" I see her nostrils flare as she goes to the door and when she opens it I'm shocked, we both are

"Denise.. You look.." I start and Casey smiles

"So.. Explain please"

"That talk you gave me a few months ago-"

"7 months"

"7 months ago, really helped me Case. The reason you've had Jess so much is because I've been getting help.. I'm off drugs and booze"

Casey pulls her into a hug "God, I'm so proud of you"

"I have a job" she says and Casey's jaw drops

"A job! D, thats amazing!" Casey has tears in her eyes and I walk over to them

"Hey Alex, nice to see ya" Denise says hugging me and I pat her back

"Nice to see you too Denise, especially like this"

"Thanks" she smiles and then her expression falls

"I-I need to talk to you both about something"

Casey stands back "Come in" she offers

"Jason called me Casey.."

I see Casey's eyes shoot up "What?!" She snarls

"H-He wants us to move up to California to stay with him.. He wants to be there for Jess"

"Denise! He abandoned you and Jess a couple of months after she was born!-"

"He left because of me!"

"What?" She asks and Denise takes her hand

"Because of the booze and pills.."

"D.. You never told me that"

"He's always kept in contact and even sent money, and when I told him I got into shape he asked to give us another shot. I agreed.. We are moving in a couple of weeks"

I see the look of heartbreak in Casey's face and take her hand

"Denise.." She says, her voice barley above a whisper "Y-You cant just take her like that?!-"

-Casey, please. This is hard enough already, please don't make it harder"

"Get out" she says tears running down her cheeks "Take J with you.."

"Casey.."

"Please, go" she says and Denise walks down and gets Jess from bed.

"Casey, we will still visit-"

"Please Denise, get out"

She walks out and Casey turns to me and just sobs into my shoulder. I run my had up and down her back

"Ssshh baby, its okay. Its okay"

"Its not okay!" She nearly screams looking up at me "I'm like a second mother to that girl and now she's just taking her! Moving her to Cali! I know Denise, she wont visit!"

"Baby, she will and we could always visit them too?"

She just sobs into me and I hold her close

"I hate seeing you upset" I whisper and she just buries her head further into me

"I cant do this Al.. I'm so used to having her around.. It'll be so different"

"I know, but we will visit. I promise you that Casey. I promise, no matter what, we will visit them"

"Thank you.." She interlocks our legs and we just lay on the couch, eventually she slips asleep in my arms.

I throw the blanket off the couch over us and kiss her lightly

"This'll be okay baby" I whisper and turn down the lamp beside us.

Oh God, poor Casey.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

In bed a couple of nights later Casey turns to me, a half worried, half apprehensive look on her face

"Alex.. Have you thought about having children?"

"In general or..?"

"Well, I was thinking more with me?"

"I have to admit, it crossed my mind. A lot.. Why baby?"

"Its just.. Its been on my mind a lot, seeing how good you are with Jess, it just got me thinking how great you'd be if we had our own.."

I smile and take her hand "Do you want us to start trying Case?"

"Well, in the end, its your decision Alex, its your body-"

"But its both of our lives. Our relationship. Answer the question Case, do you want to start trying?"

She nods and I smile and lean down and capture her lips in mine

"You don't need to look so worried babe, the worst I could say is no? And I'm not, by the way, I'm am 100% completely saying yes.. I want a child and I cant imagine anybody better to raise it with than you"

She smiles "Wow.. That was smooth"

I laugh "You brought out that side of me.."

xx

"Casey! C'mere" I call and she walks in from the kitchen, pot in hand

"Alex, I seriously cannot do this.." She says and I smile

"Don't worry me either. Just get take out, we're fine! Anyway, I want you to look at this website"

She walks over "Well you don't hang around, do ya?" She smiles "Sperm Banks.. Okay. I'll order dinner and we'll have a proper look okay?" She kisses my cheek and gets off the couch

"The usual?" She asks

"Please.." I drawl looking at the screen, reading about different banks.

Before I knew it she was back beside me

"Okay! Food'll be here soon, so what did you find out?"

"Okay, I made a list-" I start and she smirks

"Of course you did"

"Shut up. I'm organised.. Anyway, I made the list of banks closest to us so we could have variety. And I have all their opening hours here too"

"Great, I'll look over it now then" she takes the laptop and begins scrolling down the list

"Okay, well there is one just a couple of blocks away? Maybe we should try there first?"

"Sure. Okay. Will we go Tomorrow and get information?"

"Perfect.." She kisses my cheek and there is a knock on the door signalling the arrival of our food.

xx

"Okay... I'm nervous"

Casey smiles "Me too baby"

"I don't like being nervous"

She laughs and takes my hand "Babe, breathe. We'll be fine"

"Yeah.." I fidget in the chair and Casey squeezes my knee

"We're okay"

"I know we are Case.. Thank you"

"I love you"

I kiss her cheek "Love you too"

"Ladies? You ready?" The blonde nurse smiles at us and we nod and follow her into an office

"Okay, Dr Cairn will be in to speak with you both in a minute"

"Thank you" Casey says as we sit together on a couch in the office

After a minute Dr Carin walks in, a smile on her face

"Ladies, I'm Doctor Amanda Carin, nice to meet you" she walks over and shakes our hands

"Hi" we both answer and she sits across from us

"So, you two want to try and have kids! Well, we have a wide rage of donors here that could contribute to the process so really its just a matter of you two choosing one. We have a booklet here made up with all the eligible donors with their information, hair colour, eye colour, weight, height and all that. So I'll get you that booklet and you can take it home. Then when you choose, call in, let me know and we can set up for the IVF"

"Thank you" I smile and Amanda leaves to get the booklet.

This is it! We're doing this.

xx

I've spent all evening searching the booklet with Casey and I smile,

"What do you think of this guy, donor number 15237, 5' 9", red hair, green eyes, 120 pounds?"

"Red hair.." She smiles and I take her hand

"Yeah.. Red hair. That okay?"

"Perfect... I-I wasn't expecting it"

I pull her into a kiss and as we pull back I smile

"Baby, I love you. And to be honest all I care about is having you beside me raising the kid but I want to try and find a guy with similarities to you, I wouldn't mind a mini-Casey running around"

She laughs and holds my hand

"Thank you.. For trying to include me"

"You are included Casey?! Hey, just because the baby isn't inside you doesn't mean you're not included. I'll need you to hold me when I'm puking my guts up and support me when I randomly burst out crying.. And of course the fun we'll have when I get particularly hot-"

"Now that I like the sound of" she smiles and I squeeze her hand

"Listen, I mean it. Apart from all that, you'll be 100% involved Casey. I don't want you thinking you aren't, I love you and I need you to hear me when I say that this child is as much yours as it is mine. Please believe me"

I wipe her tears that I didn't realise were falling and she smiles, wider than I've ever seen her smile

"Casey, I love you. And we are both going to love our child, and the child will love us.."

"I love you too Al. So, you like donor number 15237?"

"I do. I really do Casey"

"Lets pick him then babe, I think he's as close to perfect as we're getting"

"Great! We'll talk to Dr Carin about it and see when we can start the treatment"

"Okay" she smiles and looks at her watch "Woah, Al, its 2am! You ready for bed?"

"Mmhm" I smile already feeling tired

She takes my hand and we walk to the bedroom.

That night we fall asleep in each others arms, smiles etched on our faces.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

"Okay, so Alex, we'll need some information on you, we'll need you to write down the date of your last period and then ovulation is in or around two weeks after that, so I'll give you this form and we'll see when we can start-"

"Erm, Dr Cairn, my last period was 9 days ago.."

"Oh, wow okay. So you are near ovulation! Would you like to try the treatment this month then?"

I look over at Casey and she nods

"If you want to Al" she says and I smile

"Okay.. Is that possible?"

"Of course! Okay, we'll need to take a blood sample, just to check iron levels too"

"Okay" I nod and she tells me once the nurse takes my blood we can go and she insures me that she'll call later and chat to us.

She's not long gone when the nurse comes in and takes the test and tells us we can go when we're ready.

I stand off the table and feel my head spin

"Oh shit!" I say and grab the table and Casey rushes to my side

"Babe! Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just stood up too fast and the bloods taken. I'm okay honey"

She grips my arm and I stand up properly, this time.

"I'm alright Case" I say kissing her cheek "Lets go!"

xx

"Hey Al? You want hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolate?" I ask, raising my eyebrow

"Well, if we are going to be trying, you drinking full coffee mightn't be a good idea, we don't have de-café but we do have.." She holds out the can "Hot chocolate"

I laugh "Yeah okay, why not! Is there marshmallows?!"

Casey smiles at me and begins searching through the presses "I'll find some.. Are you hungry Al?"

"Not really.. I might get something later?"

"Okay babe, hot chocolate for now then"

I walk over to her and pull her into a hug and she wraps her arms around me

After a minute she kisses down my neck "I love you Al"

"Love you too sweetheart" I say and she pulls back and keeps making the hot chocolate

I go into the living room and curl up on the couch, wrapping the blanket around me.

Casey walks in, hot chocolates in hand and smiles

"You look comfy"

"I am" I smile and she hops in beside me and covers us back up

"You okay?" I ask and she smiles

"I am.. I'm okay Case, just thinking about stuff"

"Stuff? Like..?"

"Just stuff" I pull her closer to me "We're trying to have a baby"

"We are" she smiles "You are still okay right? You aren't having second thoughts?"

"No! God, no. What makes you think that? Are you?"

"No.. I'm not. Its just, today I was thinking, like we aren't together all that long, I was afraid you would think that we're rushing.."

"Do you think we're rushing?"

"Honestly? No. It feels, right. It really does, I was thinking that maybe by bringing it up we were rushing a little but when I saw how compassionate and caring you were with Jess, how you comforted her when she was upset and how you just cared so much for her.. When I looked at that I started thinking about how amazing you would be as a mother"

I smile and kiss her "I think you just answered your question babe. Why would I doubt it? I saw how you acted with Jess as well, I heard you reading her her bedtime story and I couldn't help but think how great you were, and how much she adores you.. I wanted to watch you read to our child, see how much he or she loves you and how you'd do anything for them"

"She's leaving in a couple of days"

I take her hand "Are you going to see her?"

"I'm going to say goodbye tomorrow, but there is no way I could spend all day with her, I'd end up breaking"

"I know.. Oh babe, I'm so sorry she's leaving"

"You're not taking her Al.." She smiles sadly

"I know.. But I just hate seeing how much this hurts you, I know you are so close to her and its devastating watching your sister take her like that"

"Yeah.." I see a tear slip down her cheek and I kiss her, slowly

We break apart and she pulls me back into her and flicks on the tv.

We get about half way into some documentary she's interested in when my cell rings.

I grab it and answer "Alex Cabot"

"Hey Alex, its Amanda Carin from the bank.."

I smile "Hey Dr Carin. So what news have you got then"

"All good Alex. Your iron levels are perfect, you are ovulating sometime in the next few days, most likely from Friday"

I smile. Its Wednesday. "So, what does that mean then?"

"Well we are going to get some of the sperm you and Casey picked out and mix it with a couple of your eggs, then using a small catheter around two days later, when at least one egg fertilises we will put the fertilised egg back in and hope it takes"

"Great. So, Friday?"

"Does that suit you?"

"Yeah, It's perfect. Anytime in particular?"

"Does 10am work for you?"

"Yes, thats great, thanks Dr Carin"

"Please, Call me Amanda"

"Okay Amanda, see you Friday"

I hang up and Casey smiles "Did you just say see you friday?"

"I did, the are taking an egg and fertilising it then after a couple of days at least, hopefully one egg fertilises and starts dividing"

"Oh my God.. Al!" She laughs and kisses me

I smile into the kiss and pull her on top of me

"I'm so happy" I whisper, my voice shaking

"Me too Al" she says leaning down and kissing me again.

This might just be one of the best nights ever, trying to start a family with the woman I love. How amazing is that?!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

"Aunt Casey! Aunt Alex!" Jess calls running over to us and hugging us both

"Did Mom tell you? We are moving!"

"I know! She told us!" Casey says attempting to sound upbeat but I can tell this is killing her "Are you all packed up?"

"Yeah! We had to pack silly! We are leaving in the morning"

I grab Casey's hand and she looks at me tears in her eyes

"Hey Jess, where's your Mom?" I ask

"Downstairs"

"I'll be back in a sec" I say squeezing Casey's hand

I walk down to the kitchen and find Denise packing up boxes

"Hey Denise? Do you think it'd be okay if we brought Jess to McDonalds?"

Denise smiles "She always says every time she gets home from Casey's how you all go there"

"Yeah.." I smile

"Of course Alex, it'd be a nice way to say goodbye"

I nod "Thanks Denise" I walk over and hug her and I feel her hug me back

"Alex, I like you. You are good for my sister, please, stick with her yeah?"

"Of course Denise.. I have no plans of leaving.. Actually, we are trying to start a family"

I see her smile "Oh my God! Thats great Alex! I'm so happy for you both!"

"Thank you.. Now I better go before Casey starts crying"

"Hey, Alex?"

I turn around and Denise flashes me a sad smile

"I'm not doing this to try to hurt Case, I just want Jess to know her Dad"

"I know you don't mean to hurt her, but she will miss Jess and you of course. Its going to be hard for her, knowing that you aren't just around the corner anymore"

"Yeah.. Alex, I know Casey doesn't believe me because I don't usually stick by my words but we will visit you, both of you. Maybe three if you're both lucky"

I smile "Yeah. Thank you Denise, that means a lot"

"No problem Alex, now go! Give Jess a proper send off"

I smile and walk back upstairs and I walk in and see Casey holding Jess

"I love you Aunt Casey"

Casey sighs and tries to blink back her tears "I love you too kiddo. Now come on! Lets see where Alex got to.."

I knock and they both turn to face me

"Hey guys, Jess, your Mom said that we can go to McDonalds if you want?"

"Yeah!" She says jumping off Casey's lap and tearing down the stairs

I walk over to Casey and pull her into my arms

"Its okay Case"

She doesn't reply, instead just nods into me

"Come on, lets go. Lets make this evening one she wont forget"

Casey smiles at me "Thank you"

xx

"Aunt Alex! You're eating!"

I laugh and take another bite of the burger, admittedly it isn't that bad, nice even. I wont tell Casey that though

I laugh "Yeah. Well, I didn't have lunch so I needed something"

"Do you like it?" Casey asks and I smile at her

"I wouldn't push it, I'm eating it aren't I?"

She smiles back and takes my hand

"Can we go see Racer before I go with Mom?" Jess asks and I steal some of Casey's fries and answer

"Sure honey, maybe we'll go to the park, you like the sound of that?"

Jess nods and keeps eating and Casey smiles at me

"You are amazing"

I squeeze her hand "I'm okay, maybe not amazing yet"

She laughs and kisses my cheek

"You finished Jess?" She asks the girl who now looks stuffed

I smile as the girls just mumbles a reply and Casey lifts her into her arms

"Lets go to home and see Racer okay?"

"M'kay" she replies and I laugh as we walk to the car

xx

"Listen, Jess, we'll see you soon okay? Your Mom said we'll visit you and you'll visit us and we can call.. You wont miss us too much baby" Casey says and the girl hugs her again

"I love you aunt Casey"

"Love you too J"

Then Jess looks up at me and I sit on the kitchen floor beside them both, a smile on my face when Jess crawls into my lap

She wraps her arms around me and I kiss her head

"Casey's right kiddo, we'll see each other soon.."

"I'll miss you"

"I know baby" I kiss her head again and hug her tighter and after a few minutes Denise tells her its time for bed

"Casey, will you read me a story?"

I smile as Casey agrees and ask if I can listen. Jess agrees and the three of us go upstairs, Casey carrying Jess

xx

We walk out of the room and I wipe Casey's tears and pull her into a hug

"She'll never forget today Case.."

"Mainly cause you ate McDonalds"

We laugh and I take her hand as we walk downstairs

Denise is loading boxes into her car and when she comes back in pulls Casey into a hug

"I'm gonna miss you sis"

Casey smiles sadly "I'll miss you too D"

"We'll visit, like I said to Alex, I know you mightn't believe me, but we will visit Case, I promise"

I smile as Casey kisses her cheek and Denise walks over to me

"I kinda said goodbye earlier but no harm in doing it again eh?"

She hugs me too and before we pull back she whispers

"Best of luck Alex, I hope you both are very happy"

"We already are" I smile "I hope you have a great time in Cali, and this guy make you happy"

"He has for years"

I stand back and Casey grabs my hand

"Listen D, we better go, we have to be up early tomorrow. I'll call you and see how you are tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay Case"

"See ya D" she smiles and I wave

"Bye Denise"

"See ya ladies!" She says from the door as we sit into the car.

Casey sighs and starts the car, not saying a word until we get home.

"Are you tired Al?"

"Yeah, I'm actually gonna go to bed, you?"

"Same, I'll be in in a minute okay?" She says kissing my cheek

I throw on some pyjamas and get into bed and after a minute feel Casey's arms around me

"I love you so much" she whispers and I turn to face her

I kiss her and smile "Love you too Case"

"You better get some sleep, we have our appointment tomorrow"

"Yeah.. I'm kinda scared.. This is so new"

"I know Al, I'm terrified, but good terrified.."

"Yeah" I smile and kiss her again

"Night Case"

"Nigh babe" she says hitting the light behind us.

I curl into her arms and smile. Tomorrow we are going to start trying to start a family.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

"Casey.. Wake up" I say shaking her gently and she rolls over facing away from me

"Al... Give me a few"

"Get up Casey, we need to start getting ready"

I hear her sigh and sit up, rubbing her eyes

"How long have you been awake?"

"Since half five"

"Five?! As in AM?!"

"I think I'm nervous" I smile and she takes my hand

"Don't be Al. This will all work out for us.."

"Yeah.. I know" I smile too and she pulls me into her

"No matter what happens I love you Al"

I kiss her and feel all my tension and apprehension disappear "Love you too Case"

"Come on, lets get ready"

xx

I feel my heart race in my chest. I'm shaking so much and Casey grips my hand

"Breathe.." She whispers trying to still my trembling hands

"Sorry.. I'm just scared"

"I am too Al but we're okay. We can do this, together"

I nod "We can. Okay.."

Dr Carin walks in and sits in front of me

"Okay Alex, this might sting a little but its normal okay? Try and talk about something, take your mind off it" she says and I take a deep breath and Casey and me start discussing Denise and Jess going to Cali

Dr Carin is right, this stings like a bitch!

Casey does a great job of keeping my mind off it though and after around half an hour Dr Carin stands away from me

"Okay Alex, thats that sorted then. We are going to inject the sperm in now and in around two days there should be a fertilised egg, hopefully. Don't worry, we will call you to come back in on Sunday"

"Thank you Doctor" Casey says shaking the woman's hand and I smile

"Now, I better be off, see you ladies Sunday"

Casey squeezes my hand "How do you feel?"

"Sore.." I admit and she kisses me

"Come on, lets go home, you should get some rest"

"Hey, Case? Thanks for everything today, keeping me calm and talking to me during the procedure, I would be lost without you"

"I know you would" she smiles and I laugh

"Come on, I'm getting hungry"

xx

I'm laying on the bench on the porch when Racer runs out and jumps up on me, licking my face and I laugh

"Racer!" I say picking him up and laying him beside me

He gets comfortable and I begin to rub him down and after a minute sigh

"Oh..pup I'm scared.. I know, I'm insane, nothings even happened yet but this is a huge thing. I'm starting a family. Since I was a kid I always said that I'd be better off just settling down and enjoying life with someone, no children would be best ya know? I don't know... Seeing Casey.. Something just clicked and I swear to god my maternal side is just taking over.. Its like I cant wait to have kids.. I never dreamed I'd be saying that though? It's.. different. Good different, great different. I feel like for once things are just falling into place.. Everything is where it should be. I'm happy.." I laugh "I'm really happy"

I feel like all this has just hit me now?

When did life turn so perfect?

Was it Casey? Casey did this? I know I'm saying it like its a bad thing but I find it hard to believe that one person could have such an impact on my life.

She does. Everything is better with her. I've never been this happy before and I'm honoured to say I have such a beautiful, kind, caring woman thats making me this happy.

I think I need to prove to her how happy she makes me.

I walk in the door of the house and call Casey to the kitchen

"Could you go shopping? I want to try and clean up here and we badly need some food, I can make a list of some stuff if you'd like?"

"Sure, no problem babe, just make up that list and I'll run out" she kisses my cheek and I smile

Perfect. Now, I'll need to make a list long enough to get her gone for as long as I'll need to set up..

That shouldn't be too hard..

I smile to myself, this'll be fun!

xx

"Alex how the hell did we need this much stuff?! I went shopping Thursday, there is no way in hell- wow"

I smile "Hi Case.. Did you have fun shopping?"

"I-I um, I.."

"Baby, close your mouth, drooling isn't all that attractive"

She drops her bag and walks over to me

"What.. Why are you- you.." I slip my hands around her waist and she runs her hands along my sides, I know how much she loves this dress, that confirmed by her eyes nearly popping out of her head

"I have dinner in the kitchen, and before you ask, I didn't make it, its ordered in.. But you clearly focused on something else"

"Yeah I have my heart set on eating that something else.."

I move my hands down to her ass and pull her closer to me "Well, lets see, if you go in and survive the meal without trying to coax me into rushing I will most definitely reward you later.. If not-"

"I'll wait. So, dinner?"

I smirk and lead her to the kitchen, the whole time I feel her eyes burning into my ass

"Staring is rude Casey" I scold and I hear her laugh lightly behind me as a reply.

This meal will be interesting

xx

"Alex, that was gorgeous, thank you. By the way, not that I'm complaining but what was this in aid of?"

I take her hand and I see a look of worry go over her

"Case, its a good thing, don't look like I'm about to kill you"

"Oh.. Sorry" She smiles and I smile softly back

"Casey, earlier I was thinking about when I was a kid and usually every girl has a dream wedding and plays house and imagines all the kids, where they'd live and the schools to send the kids but I never had that. When my friends played families I'd say that I wouldn't need children to be happy, that I'd find that one person and we'd just be happy together. I had that planned. But Case, when I was thinking earlier I realised that you changed me, for the better. When I met you that all flew straight out the window and I knew I wanted a family with you.. I knew I needed children and I was so scared because I have never felt like that before. Its you I have to thank for this. And well, I wanted this to be one of many ways I'll have in the future of showing you how thankful I am to have you.. Wonderful, incredible, amazing you" I get up and walk over to her and pull her into a kiss. A mind-blowing, earth stopping kiss and after a minute when I pull back I smile

"I love you Case. Thank you"

"I love you too Al.." She smiles and lifts me in into her arms and she carries me down the hall towards the bedroom

"Lets go to bed"

I laugh "Aw, are you tired baby-"

"Not even a little tired Al"

"To be honest, I didn't think you would be" I smile and she closes the bedroom door using her foot and smirks at me

"Now, let me thank you Alex" she drops to her knees and I groan

Yeah, this is the life.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

"Al, baby, wake up. We have to get ready"

I stretch and turn to face her "Hey.."

She smiles "You look tired"

"Yeah cause you had nothing to do with that"

She laughs "Come on, our appointment in an hour and we're going to need a shower"

I smirk "Aw thats why you called me, you're still horny.. You'd think after last night you'd be set"

"No.. Not really. I can never have enough of you"

"Well its lucky you have me in a lifetime supply isn't it?"

"I'd like to cash some of that in now then" she says and I laugh

xx

I lay back on the table and I feel like I'm going to be sick. This is getting to me way too much. Casey must see me pale over and she squeezes my hand

"Stop putting pressure on yourself. Alex, you really need to calm down, you look sick. Just breathe, if this works it works, if not, we can always try again"

"Casey, its so expensive.."

"I think we could afford it Al.. We are fairly set"

"Thats true, its just I never expected to be spending so much money on something thats not 100%"

"So.. You aren't a gambler then"

I smile "No.. Not really"

"Alex, don't be worrying yourself. What ever happens we'll get through it"

"I love you"

"Love you too Al"

After a minute of comfortable silence Dr Carin walks in

"Ladies, nice to see you both. Now good news, all of the eggs fertilised which is quite extraordinary, we really have a pick of the bunch now" she smiles and that puts me a little more it ease

"Now, we have everything set up and ready to go, so, are you both ready? Have either of you got questions?"

I look at Casey who nods and I sigh "No, we're pretty set Amanda"

"Okay then" she smiles "Don't look so frightened Alex, this will be relatively painless it'll just be slight discomfort because of pressure"

"Okay.." I nod and internally calm a little although I'm not sure if that shows on my face

Casey kisses my cheek "Its okay Al.."

I close my eyes and just relax as I feel Dr Carin start.

Okay, this will work out. Casey and I will be okay. This will work.

xx

Two hours later Casey and I are at home and she walks in to the living room with McDonalds

I smirk "McDonalds"

"Yes, McDonalds, I know you like it and I cannot eat anymore Chinese"

I laugh "Good point, gimme" I reach for the bag and she smiles and throws it to me

"So much for not liking McDonalds"

"I don't.." I say with a mouthful of fries and she scoffs

"Yeah, clearly you don't"

"Shut up and eat your food"

She sits in beside me and we eat and watch tv. When we're finished she takes my hands into hers

"I love you"

I smile and kiss her "I love you too Case.." I see a tear slip down her cheek and I wipe it away

"Baby? Whats up?"

"I just... I.."

"Hey.. Its okay? Whats wrong?"

"Nothings wrong. Everything's right.. Alex, we're starting a family. After my operation I never thought I'd be having kids and to be honest, I hated it. I always wanted children and it crushed me when Mom explained what was going on.."

I wrap my arms around her waist and she lies into me and continues

"And then Denise had Jess.. And I loved having that kid around, I'd try and see her whenever I could get a chance. It sorta felt like I was a mother to her and I loved that feeling because I thought I'd never experience it for real but now I have a chance to. Al, last night you thanked me, you we're so sweet to me but I need to tell you you make me equally as happy, Alex, I need to thank you for helping me make my dream life into a reality.. Thank you"

I smile and kiss her "You're welcome baby"

She sighs and lies closer to me "You wanna watch a movie on Netflix?"

"Sure" I smile and grab the remote from the side table

"What do you wanna watch?"


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

I lay back on the couch and my stomach grumbles, I'm starving!

I cannot eat anymore take out, I need to try and cook

"Hey Case! You wanna help me cook?"

I hear her laugh and walk down the hall and into the living room

"Did you just say cooking? You want US to cook?"

"I do. I'm so sick of take out, I think we should try and make curry"

"Curry? Should we not start.. easier?"

"I want curry though.."

She smiles "Okay.. Okay. If you want curry we'll try it.. I wouldn't have high hopes though"

I smile "We'll try"

xx

"Casey this is so easy, we really should've done this sooner"

"Alex, we haven't even started cooking yet? We only have everything prepared"

"Well, food preparation is really my thing" I smile proudly

She smiles and kisses my cheek "Well at least we have something done"

"Okay lets try this cooking" She says taking the chicken and putting it in the pan

"Please, don't take your eyes off that pan" She says and I smile

She begins sorting the peppers and I'm turning the chicken in the pan when the oil spits onto the opposite hob, which is heating up and starts a small fire

"Shit! Casey!"

I fill a jug of water and go to throw it on the flames and she pushes the jug away from the fire "Don't! That'll crack the glass on the hob!"

She grabs the fire blanket from the far wall and throws it over the small fire and it nearly immediately dies out

I bite my lip and Casey turns to me a smile on her face

"Still think cooking was a good idea?"

"The best.." I smile

"Should we keep going, or..?"

"I think ordering in seems easier"

"Well, Thank God for that.."

I laugh and she wraps her arms around me

"As fun as that was I think we'll stick to the ordering in or eating out"

"Yeah.. I guess thats a good idea"

She smiles "You still want curry? I'll run out and get us some"

"Thanks Case" I kiss her and she assures me she wont be too long

"Oh, Al, call Abbie and invite her over, we should tell her about the treatment"

"Oh, yeah, good idea. I'll call her now, pick up some extra rice, she might eat with us"

"Okay, see you in a bit babe"

xx

"Abs! Hey!" I smile as she pulls me into a hug

"Hey.. Whats that smell?"

"Smell?"

"Burning.."

I laugh and bring her to the kitchen and show her the half prepared curry, now in the bin, and the singeing on the fire blanket

She laughs as I set the table and Casey comes in, food in hand

"Hey Ab" she smiles

"Case! I heard about the incident.."

I laugh again as Casey rolls her eyes

"Yeah, Alex had a brainwave of cooking.. So now I have take out, I got korma, that okay?"

"Perfect.." I smile and takes out three plates, placing them on the table

"Thanks Al" Casey says

"Yeah, Thanks Alex"

I smile and grab the wine from the fridge and hand it to Casey and I fill myself a water

I see Abbie look at me "Alex.. Why aren't you drinking?"

I smile "Actually Abs, thats the main reason we invited you over, we needed to tell you something.. We're trying to start a family"

"Aw, I'm so happy for you ladies!"

"We, actually, um, today we went to the clinic and well, they placed one of the fertilised eggs in me.."

"Oh my God, so you're really doing it now? Like right now.. Thats so great! I cant think of two better people to raise kids.. Al, I never expected that from you though.. You were so set to not have kids.."

"Yeah well, being with Casey really changed my mind. I want kids with Case"

"Oh my God, what happened to you.. You're gone so mushy"

Casey laughs "Thats not a new thing"

I slap her arm "Shut up.."

Abbie smiles "Well, Casey, you melted the Ice Queen's heart"

I roll my eyes "Nobody called me that"

Casey and Abbie scoff "Everybody called you that!" Abbie exclaims

I look over to Casey who is biting her lip

"What? Did people actually call me that?!"

"Well, baby, maybe when I arrived I heard a few things one of which was to avoid 'The Ice Queen'"

"Avoid the Ice Queen?! Are you serious?!" I snap and I see Abbie wince

"Alex-" she starts and I turn

"What?!"

"Nothing..."

I sigh "Sorry.. I shouldn't be snappy" I sit back down "I thought that was just a rumour?"

"So what? Al, it made you a damn good ADA and it didn't effect anyone who knew you, really knew you. I know you and you are furthest from an Ice Queen.." Casey says and kisses my cheek

"You aren't an Ice Queen baby, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know and you are so kind and caring and I love you"

Abbie fakes gagging "See now, thats where Al gets her mushy from"

I laugh "Shut it Abs"

Casey smiles and hands me my water "Forget the stupid nicknames.. In the end you are Alexandra Cabot, beautiful, wonderful, intelligent Alexandra Cabot"

I smile "Thanks baby"

"No problem, now, dessert?"

Abbie smiles "Sure"

"Yeah, thanks Case" I smile and Abbie and I keep talking at the table.

We spend the evening talking and laughing and its been the best laugh I'd had in a while.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

"Babe, you ready to go?" Casey asks me and I throw on my blazer

"Yep, ready when you are"

She nods, grabs the keys and opens the front door, handing me my briefcase as we leave

"So, this should be good huh? I heard the Cavenaugh case is huge" she says and I smile

"Yeah, it really is" I reply as she starts the car

"Ugh.." I spit and Casey looks over at me

"What?"

"Okay.. I don't want you to freak out okay, but Trevor and I are working this case.. together"

She stops the car "You are going to be alone with him?! A lot?!" She snaps and I sigh

I make her keep driving, I don't need to be late "Casey, I'd appreciate it if you'd trust me.. You know I love you. You know I'm attracted to women. I have no interest in Trev, okay? If I did why would I be trying to start a family with you? Casey, please, he has a stupid little crush, just forget it. Believe me if he tries anything I'll turn him down"

"I'm sorry Al.. I don't mean to be angry but since that night I've hated his guts. How date he waltz in and think you would just run into his arms"

"I know. He is a douche Case, seriously, just forget it" We pull in at the building and she sighs

"I'm trying, okay? I'm sorry I'm such a bitch when it comes to him.."

"Its okay, I understand" I smile and kiss her and we go our separate ways

I'm not in the door of the office two minutes when Trevor walks in

"Al, you ready?"

I sigh "Yeah.. Just give me a sec"

He nods and I sort all the files for the Cavenaugh case and push them all into my briefcase

Trevor hands me a coffee and I smile

"Thank you! Just what I needed! Lets go!"

xx

Casey calls me just as I'm walking out of the meeting

"Hey babe" I smile clicking on the call

"Hey, how was your meeting?"

"Good! We've really made progress now! We should be in court by late next week"

"Baby, thats great! Are you coming back now?"

"Yeah, I think so, why?"

"I want us to go out for dinner, ya know, I feel like we don't go out enough"

"No instead we eat take out at home" I laugh and she laughs too

"You know what I mean, out out"

"Yeah I get ya. Listen we should be back in about an hour? That suit?"

"Yep, perfect! See you then!"

I disconnect the call and sit into the car, Trevor not far behind me

"You ready?" I ask and he nods

"Sure, thanks for the ride Al"

xx

We walk into the building and onto the elevator still discussing the case

"Well done in there Alex, it was clear you pulled out some of your best work"

"Thanks Trev, ya know you weren't bad-"

The elevator jumps and halts and Trevor looks to me

"Whats that about?"

"I don't know Trevor I'm on the elevator with you"

He laughs lightly and I press the call button

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"Security.."

"Security, It's Alexandra Cabot, myself and Trevor Langan are stuck in the elevator going to the fourth floor? Whats going on?"

"Miss Cabot, we need you both to keep calm, we'll try and get you both out soon"

"Keep calm? Whats going on.."

"Nothing to worry about Ma'am, we'll have you out soon"

The call ends and I sigh "Okay, Trev have you got cell reception?"

"One bar.."

"Well I have none, gimme your cell, I need to call Casey, see whats going on"

I type Casey's number into his cell and after a couple of rings she answers

"Hello?!"

"Casey? Whats wrong?"

"Alex! Where are you?"

"Thats why I'm calling, Trev and I are stuck on the elevator inside - whats going on?"

"Al.. They think there is a bomb in the building.."

"What?! Oh God.."

Trevor puts his hand on my shoulder and I look up at him

"Alex? Whats going on.."

"They think there's a bomb in the building.."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

"I'm sorry, Alex, did you just say bomb?!"

"Yeah.. Bomb."

"Oh God.. How's Casey"

"Fairly okay, saying that, she's outside, we're stuck in here!"

Trevor sighs and after a minute walks over to the front of the elevator "Okay.. Help me pull the doors open"

"What?!"

"Grab one door and pull, we'll see if there is some space where we can slip out and take the stairs"

"Okay.."

I take one door and he takes the other and we prise them apart, revealing a small gap, neither of us could really fit through

"Shit!" He says and we let the doors shut again

"What are we going to do Trevor?"

"I don't know Al.. Wait?"

"Wait? Wait for the building to blow us up?!"

"Good point.. Okay, look over us, there's a grid"

"Okay, boost me up, I'm going to try and see whats there"

He gives me a hand and I push the grid out of the way and look out and all I can see is darkness

"Ugh.. Nothing"

I re-cover the grid and he puts me back down and hands me his cell

"Call Casey again, see whats the story"

I nod an redial Casey

"Case! Whats going on? Are they getting us out?"

"Actually, they are trying to defuse the bomb.."

"With us in here?!"

"Al, calm down, you'll be out soon. It's okay.."

"I love you Casey"

"Please, stop talking like you're going to die"

"Well, if that bomb blows we're fucked so Casey, I love you, please just say it back"

"No. No, because you will be getting out of there, both of you will. Please, Alex, calm down"

"I'm taking a break from work after this.."

"To be honest, I think we all will, Al, just breathe okay? This will be okay"

"Okay..."

I hang up and Trevor smiles

"She's lucky to have you"

"Other way around, I'd be lost without her.. Trevor, what if we don't make it out of here?"

"Well, Alex, I don't know.. We've had good lives"

"I don't want my last fucking day to be work!"

"No one does but we're just going to have to make do aren't-"

We feel the elevator drop and we both get thrown to the opposite side of the metal death trap

We look up and he sighs "Should we see where we are now?"

"Sure.."

We go to the doors and when we pull it open there is a larger gap, that with a squeeze we could get out of

"How will we keep the doors open?" He asks and I look around

We let the doors shut and I grab our cases

"Try these?"

"Cant hurt.. Okay, 1,2,3 pull"

We pull the doors open and I put our cases between the doors, which to our surprise holds the doors open

"Okay, Alex, I'll boost you first and you help pull me up"

"Okay.." I say and he helps me out.

When my feet hit the ground I cant help but sigh, I hate tight spaces and the added fear of a bomb wasn't helping

I pull Trevor up and we both run to the stairs and out of the building

When we reach the main door I see the Jeeps belonging to the bomb squad and Casey runs over despite trying to be held back from the building by the cops

I pull her into a hug and she kisses my cheek

"Are you okay? How did you get out?"

"Trevor suggested we pull the doors open and squeeze out through the gap, which was non existent until about five minutes ago"

Casey pulls back and hugs Trevor

"Thank you Trevor"

I see Trevor nod and he hugs her back

I smile and take Casey's hand

"C'mon, I don't like being this close to a building with a bomb in it"

She smiles and before we leave invites Trevor for a drink later.

We go to a cafe around the block and I kiss her, properly this time

"Its so good to see you"

She runs her hands through my hair

"I love you.. God, Al.. I was so scared"

"You didn't seem it"

"I wanted you to believe everything was okay.. Anyway, you were in there, I wasn't"

"Still, I'm just so happy to have you Case"

"You too Al, now what do you want to eat? I bet you're starving"

I smile "I am, lets order"

xx

"I cant believe it was a fucking fake bomb! Who does that?! Who scares people like that?" I rant that night as I get into bed and Casey pulls me into her arms

"I know.. Some idiots with nothing better to do thought it would be a bit of fun. Well at least we're okay"

I sigh "I was so scared.. Scared I'd never see you, hold you, kiss you again"

"I was too Al.. I was just happy when my phone rang, I knew you were alive.."

"Oh Case..please, promise me you'll never leave"

"Never.. I couldn't. You?"

"Likewise. You are my rock"

"I love you"

"Love you too sweetheart"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22:

I wake up that morning in a sweat, nightmares I obviously cant remember.

I roll over and see Casey fast asleep and then I feel it, the wetness in my underwear

No.. No.

I crawl out of bed, careful not to wake Casey and walk to the bathroom.

I stand against the sink, preparing myself for what I'm about to see and when I do finally build the courage I strip off my pyjama bottoms I reveal my blood soaked underwear. Fuck.

I feel the cramps tying in my stomach and start running a bath for myself, forgetting Casey is still asleep and sure enough after a minute she is knocking on the door

"Al? You okay"

I try to answer her but I cant, all my words are just gone.

She tells me shes coming in and I hear her inhale sharply and I turn to see her looking at the discarded underwear

She takes them and my pyjama bottoms and puts them in the laundry basket and walks over to me

"Are you okay?"

I shake my head and sit into the bath as she turns off the taps

"Al, its okay. A lot of people's don't take on the first time.. We can always try again"

"Yeah.." I say meekly and she grabs the sponge from the side and washes my back

"We can handle this, its okay"

I nod and she kisses my forehead

"I love you Al"

"Love you too"

xx

"You want this hot water bottle baby?"

I nod and she lays beside me in bed

"Here" she places it below my stomach and pulls me in closer to her

"That helping?"

I nod and she sighs

"Babe.. I know your upset and in pain but you need to talk to me. Nodding isn't helping you, talking will help you"

"I don't need to talk Casey. It just didn't take... I'm in pain, thats it"

"Okay..." She says and she just holds me "You want some aspirin?"

"Took some already"

"Oh... Okay" she covers me over with our duvet and I cuddle into her

I feel the tears slip down my cheeks and I close my legs harder. I thought it would take.. Casey's right though, a lot of pregnancies don't take first time. We can try again anyway, It doesn't really matter.

I wipe my tears and Casey obviously sees this and turns me to face her

"Its okay Al, don't cry.."

I bury my head into her neck and she runs her hands over my back

"Sshh Al.. I have you"

I sob more into her and she keeps trying to soothe me. Trying to stop me crying.

This is silly. I shouldn't be so upset over something that was never real. Never there.

Its more disappointment than anything.

"Alex... Please talk to me"

"I'm sorry"

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"Because I'm getting upset over nothing"

"Alex, its not nothing, we had our hopes up, you have all right to be upset"

"Thank you Casey"

"You don't need to thank me babe, I'm here for you. Don't apologise for being upset"

"Thank you.."

She kisses me and we lay together until I fall asleep in her arms. We can get through all this. I know we can.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

"Al... Baby, you need to get out of bed"

"I'm fine here Casey"

"Alex, its been two days, I know you need time but we need to get outside.. You literally haven't gotten out of bed since Monday"

"Well, I don't have work and I have no where to be so I'm staying"

"Alex... Will you please come for a walk, just outside"

"Fine.." I huff and I see her look genuinely worried

I drag myself to the bathroom and wash myself and get dressed, then after a while meet Casey in the kitchen

"Hey"

She smiles "You look better"

"Thanks"

I hear her sigh quietly "You ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready"

She calls Racer from the hall and he runs out and jumps at her. I smile as she pets him lovingly

"C'mon, lets go" I say and Racer rushes out ahead of me, running away from Casey who was trying to slip his leash on

I pat his head and he sits by my side, pawing at me.

I hear Casey laugh and I smile at her

"He's cute so you cant be mad"

"I guess" she smiles back and puts the leash on him and we walk towards the park.

I slip my hand into hers as we walk and she smile over at me

"You okay?"

I nod and she kisses my cheek

xx

When we get to the park, Casey lets Racer off his leash and we sit on the bench, still hand-in-hand

"Ya know, Al, maybe we should take a break.. Go somewhere.."

"Where?"

"Maybe, I don't know, maybe go for a short holiday? Maybe near the coast, we could take Racer then and bring him to the beach"

"Yeah, I bet he'd love that"

"We need it, I think"

"Yeah, me too Case.."

"We should look into it Al, It'll be worth it"

I sigh "I should probably text Abs.. Tell her what happened"

"I did already, she was going to come over last night but she got called into work so she said she'll be over tonight"

"Oh good.."

"Al, if you want to talk.. about it, you can talk to me, I don't mind"

"I'm okay, If I'm honest I'm still trying to work it over in my head.."

"Well, when you want to talk, I'm here"

"Same for you Case, this must be at you too"

"Yeah, it is but I'm okay.." She smiles weakly and I kiss her

"I love you Casey"

"Love you too Al. Hey look at Racer"

We both smile as we see him rolling around on the grass, growling at himself

She laughs and calls him over and he runs to us and jumps into my lap

I rub him down and he rolls over and Casey laughs

"He is too cute"

I smile "Yeah, and too heavy to be in my lap"

Casey calls him down and he sits by her feet

"Al, you hungry?"

"A little, yeah. You?"

"Yeah, McDonalds?"

"Well, I'd hate to break tradition"

"Exactly, park and McDonalds. You wanna go now?"

"Sure, what'll we do with this lad though" I say patting Racer and she smiles

"We could say he's a guide dog"

"Yeah, I magically became blind"

"Okay, you say a suggestion then"

I smile "Well lets see, we walk him home and then go out?"

"Well, yeah that too" she smiles "my idea was more fun"

"And illegal"

"Oh live on the edge Alexandra"

"We're taking him home" I smile

"Ugh... Thats boring" she smirks and I slap her side

"C'mon, lets go"

xx

Walking back to get the food I squeeze her hand "Thank you for today"

"No problem Al.. I just wanted us to get out for a while, being stuck inside wasn't helping us"

"I know.. I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you lately, I just didn't feel much like doing anything except sleeping and you were just trying to help and I kept biting your head off.. So, sorry Case"

"Hey, its okay Al. I get it, you need time to heal, really, you don't need to apologise, I understand"

"Thanks Case.."

xx

"Hey Abs" I smile and she pulls me into a hug

"Hey Al.. How are you?"

"I'm okay now, Casey and I had a good day.."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you babe" she hugs me again

"Thanks Abs.. Come on, sit down" I say and we go to the living room

"-Hey Abs, guys I'm just taking Racer for a quick walk" Casey calls from the hall

"Kay, be careful" I call and Abbie smiles at me when we hear the door close

"I'm glad you found her Al.. You really love her"

"I do.. She is amazing Abs.. I feel kinda bad though, the last few days I've been basically been ignoring her and thats not fair on her.."

"Al, I think she understands.."

"I know but its not fair.. We haven't talked about it.. Maybe we should"

"Al, whatever you think, listen, it'll probably help you to talk to Case, ya know, she will help you and you will help her.."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Abs"

"No bothers honey.. You want a drink?"

"Yeah, grab the wine from the fridge there, and three glasses"

"Okay.." She says walking to the kitchen and I sigh

I'm going to talk to Casey later.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24:

"See ya Abs" I wave as she drives off and Casey wraps a blanket around me as I shut the front door

"You must be freezing" she says and I pull her closer to me

"Thank you" I kiss her and take her hand "C'mon, we need to talk"

"Talk?"

"Yeah.. You said earlier if I wanted to talk I could talk to you, well, I think we should both talk"

Casey nods "Okay. Good Idea. You wanna go first or should I?"

"I'll go, if you don't mind?" I ask, and we lay down on the couch together

"Nope, go ahead" she replies and I steady my breathing

"Okay, Well, I've been handling it shit.. Really shit. You said during the procedure that I obviously wasn't a gambler, and in all aspects of my life thats true. I hate chance, I prefer consistency and not knowing if I was pregnant and waiting to find out, that made it worse. It gave me more time to think and for a little while I really thought I was pregnant, thought it was all working out.."

I sigh and try to blink away tears that are collecting in my eyes

Casey wraps her arms around my waist "Its okay Al.. You can stop if you want"

"No... Its just with everything thats happened I want us to have a family. A real family.. And thinking it was there and then realising it wasn't, it hurt"

"I know.." Casey says and she rubs my back

"You talk" I urge and she sighs

"I-I, um... I hate this. Seeing you so upset, I want to help you but nothing I do works, and Al, I know you were upset and trying to cope but until today we had hardly said two words to each other, it was like living alone.."

"You coulda talked to me"

"I tried! But you either gave one word answers or nodded in reply, so I left you and let you heal.. Alex this is what we're suppose to be doing, actually talking, not personally grieving. And I get it, its that much harder on you, but Alex we need to pick ourselves up and carry on, this is just a speed bump on our road. We can handle this, and you mightn't believe that right now but we can"

"I know we can Case.. Its just, its a lot to handle"

"I know, and I don't mean to downplay it at all, because it is a big thing to deal with but its nothing we cant handle. We are strong Al.. We can deal with this together"

"I love you"

She smiles and kisses me "Love you too Al.. Is there anything else you wanna talk about?"

"Are we doing this again?"

"Well, um, its your decision-"

"Casey, I think we need to talk about that first actually, none of this is just MY decision, its our decision. Us. As a family. I want to hear your opinion to know if you want to keep trying. You need to realise this future child is as much mine as it is yours.. So its our decision, not just mine. Do you want to do it again? Honestly"

"Al, I want a family. I don't care if we get it through adoption or this way. To be honest I prefer this, adoption doesn't have the same experience, but anyway to start a family with you Al, I'm on board"

"I think we'll try again, who knows, it might work this time? Anyway, we can keep trying.. As you said money isn't an issue and we are strong enough to cope, we are. Thank you Casey, I really needed this talk"

"Its okay babe, We both did"

I smile and kiss her

"Bed?" I ask and she nods

"Sure, I'll just take Racer for a quick walk, I wish we had a back garden to let him run in, walking him at 11pm isn't really my thing"

"How about we buy a house?" I blurt and she looks up at me, in shock

"What?"

"Well, lets face it you basically live here, all your stuff is here, you are always here. Since we're trying we're gonna have to move in properly and instead of cramming in here why not get a house? And one with a back yard so he can run around and it'll save you walking him near midnight"

"Woah.. Thats huge"

"Yeah, its a lot bigger than trying for kids" I say sarcastically and she smiles

"Do you mean it.. Like properly live together"

"Well it would be silly to buy the house and not live in it"

She smiles "We'll start looking tomorrow"

I smile "To be honest, I've been thinking of it for ages"

"Same.."

"Good! Oh by the way, Abs and I were talking about your birthday-"

"Don't. You know I don't do birthdays, I'd much rather just spend it with you.."

I scoff "Yeah, like thats happening"

"You bet your sweet ass its happening" She smiles as she leaves with Racer

There will be a party and it will be fun. I smile, the broken leg and 16 stitches kinda fun..


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25:

*A Month Later*

2nd of December, a.k.a Casey's Birthday

"Baby, wake up" I whisper and she groans

"Al.. Go away"

"Case, don't be so cranky, I have coffee and lucky charms"

She sits up and I smile "Its your favourite"

She smiles and puts the tray on the ground and pulls me beside her

"Good morning"

"Happy birthday" I smile and she wraps her arms around me

"I wanna stay in bed, so whatever hair-raising party Abs planned don't make me go... Pleeeease"

I smirk "I helped plan it so it wont be that bad"

"That'll more than likely be worse, with the two of you plotting, God knows whats in store"

I grab her coffee from the tray and take a mouthful

"You'll love it.."

"I love you" she smiles and I hug her

"Love you too babe. Now eat, we have to go soon"

"Go?! Its only like 11am"

"I know, we obviously are doing other things today"

"-Alex.. Maybe you should go to the clinic today before we go anywhere, check if they have the pregnancy test results save us waiting-"

"Went yesterday during my lunch hour" I smile and she laughs

"Of course you did.. Miss organised here"

"Exactly.. Anyway, Dr Carin said she'd call with the results today"

"Today?"

"Today.."

"Wow! Thats fast"

I smile "Yeah, the wonders of modern medicine. Now come on, eat, wash, dress"

"Fancy of casual?"

"Casual, we are coming back here this evening"

"Okay.." She smiles "You wanna give me a clue what we're doing?"

"Hmmm... No, I think you should wait and see"

"Ugh! I hate surprises!" She smiles at me and I laugh as I throw on my tracksuit

xx

"Alex! What the hell are we doing here!"

"Kayaking" I reply nonchalantly

She sighs "I see that but.. Kayaking?!"

"Yeah, Neither of us have done it and I want to see what its like! C'mon! It'll be fun"

"Okay, I'll give it a shot!"

I smile, little does she know that I'm quite experienced in kayaking..

xx

All I can hear behind me as I row are Casey's screams

"Alex! Alex! What the fuck! Slow down! The boat is going to the left"

"Thats because you aren't rowing"

"I am!"

"Then why are we going to the left!"

"Oh sweet Jesus, what told you this was a good idea"

"Nothing, I thought you'd enjoy it, thats all" I say, trying to lace my tone with hurt and I feel her hand on my shoulder

"Its not the worst, I'm just really shit at it"

I turn to her and she smiles "Well... Maybe we should do something else?"

"Like..?" She asks not clued in to what I'm obviously trying to suggest

"Like, row out a little further and you let me take care of you"

I hear her breath hitch as I start rowing again, let the fun begin.

xx

"Alex, this isn't a good idea.. What if someone sees us?"

"What if someone sees us? So what! We're in the middle of a massive lake! The odds of being seen are minimal.. Come on, live on the edge"

"Stop quoting my words back to me"

I smirk and slip my hands up her thighs

"Listen, its your decision but sweetie, its your birthday, I want to treat you"

"I-I um.. Sure.."

I smile and lay her down, positioning her just below me

I kiss her fully on the lips at first and she moans into me

I smile and pull back "Hmmm, happy birthday baby"

She smiles and pulls me back in to another passionate kiss

I pull away and place kisses down her neck and as I get lower I feel her grab my shoulders

"Al the fucking boat keeps rocking"

"I know babe, If you haven't noticed I'm on the boat too"

I smile and move closer to her centre

"Case, calm down the boat wont capsize... Unless I want it too"

"Al, I don't wanna get wet-"

"You don't?" I smirk at her and slip my hand under her tracksuit "Well, you aren't doing a very good job-"

"Al, thats not what I meant"

I smile and move my hand under her panties

"Mmm, look at you, this is exciting you baby.. Isn't it?"

She nods mutely and I push my fingers into her, a smile on my face as she moans

"Oh jesus Alex!"

I stroke her, spreading her wetness up to her clit, just barely brushing the bud

"Alex! Please!" She nearly screams

"Case! Sshh, we don't need anyone hearing us do we?"

"I don't care" she grits out and I smile

"Well, you've had a change of heart-"

"Alex, please, stop talking"

"Why baby?" I fake innocence

"Because I want your mouth doing something else, don't I?"

"Oh yeah? Well, since its your birthday.."

I remove my hand and pull her tracksuit off then lean down and use my teeth to gently remove her panties

I see her eyes widen when I look up and meet her gaze

"Everything oka-"

"Please! Don't stop" she begs me and I smile

Sure..

I move down to her centre and I can nearly taste her arousal with the strong smell coming from her

"Mmmm, Case, you smell wonderful.. I wonder if you taste as good"

"Please, find out. Take me Alexandra"

Thats all I need to hear and my mouth is on her, lapping up her wetness

"A-Al please.. My clit"

I begin teasing her by nipping the area around the bud and she is nearly crying with arousal

"Please! Alex! Please, finish me"

I take her clit into my mouth and nibble it, making her scream and cum, some of it dripping down my chin and onto my t-shirt

I smile and sit back up, and to her horror, I start rowing

"W-What.. Why are we rowing again?"

"Well we cant stay here can we, anyway, we have a party to get too"

"Ugh.. Fine.. I'd much rather stay here and do that all day"

"Oh baby, don't worry, there will be more later"

"More? Oh now that, I like"

"I thought you would.." I smirk and kiss her "Now, c'mon, row"

xx

"Surprise!" Everyone shouts as we walk in and Casey turns to me, blushing red

"I knew you had something planned! You'd never go kayaking unless you'd need me out of the house"

"It was Abs idea, not mine"

"You were co-conspirers"

I laugh and kiss her and Abbie walks over

"Hey, birthday girl!"

She smirks and turns to Abbie "So, you were in cahoots with Al then"

"Nah, she didn't know a thing, I did it all myself.." She says and turns to Alex "That what you wanted me to say?"

I laugh "Yeah, perfect Abs. Now entertain people, we need to get changed"

I take Casey's hand and lead her upstairs and when we get in she wraps her arms around me

"Thank you Al.. Today, was really good, and I don't just mean the sex part, the boating was fun.. When I got the hang of it"

"Yeah, it was good! Anyway, its not over yet, everyone is waiting for us, we should probably go down, oh.." I pause and open the drawer "Not before I give you this"

I hand her the small box and kiss her "Happy birthday sweetheart"

"Thanks Al, you really didn't have to, I'm happy to have you here- Woah, Alex, its gorgeous"

She hands me the golden necklace "Put it on me"

I slip the chain around her neck and she smiles as she reads the inscription on the piece with her name on it.

'My love, happy birthday - Alex x'

She kisses me again "Thank you so much, its beautiful"

"Just like you"

"Aw, Alex, that was so smooth"

I laugh "Lets go, you need to talk to people"

I stop her, just as we walk out the door

"By the way, you are so lucky I didn't rip that dress off you, good god, you look stunning and I have to say, its making me rather hot-"

"Please, keep walking, I need to get through this party and I don't need you getting in my head"

I smile "Of course baby, lets go have fun"

"Something tells me the real fun will be later.."

"Damn right it will" I wink and we walk into the living room and I notice the hint of red in her cheeks. She looks amazing.

I cannot wait for later!


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

"Happy birthday Case" Olivia hugs Casey and I smile, they are really close now the four of us are the best of friends now, its great.

"Thanks Liv" she says and they start into small talk

I sigh internally and look up at the clock, 8pm. Dr Carin should be calling soon.

I run my hand down over my stomach and I cant help but smile, what if this worked?

Yeah, what if it didn't?

To be honest, if it didn't work I wouldn't be all that heartbroken because I know we can try again. We can try and try until it works, or I give up.

I really would love this. Helping a child grow up, seeing him or her turn into a young adult, it would be amazing. Flawless.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and excuse myself from the group

"Alex Cabot"

"Alex, its Amanda"

"Amanda, hi.."

"Hi Alex, we got the test results"

I sigh "Yeah.. You don't sound happy"

"No, I'm afraid the news isn't good. It didn't work for this month, I'm sorry"

"To be honest, its okay Amanda. We can always try again"

"Thats a good attitude to have Alex. Listen, whenever you and Casey are ready, come in and we'll try it again, as you said, you can keep trying, but if it doesn't work next month I'd advise you take a few months break, ya know, give your body a chance to heal up"

I smile and nod, even though she cant see me "Yeah, thanks Amanda"

"No problem, Alex. See you around. Tell Casey I said hi"

"Will do, see ya Amanda"

I hang up and sigh, well we can always try again.

I plaster a smile on and walk back into the living room. I walk over to Casey, who is still talking to Liv

"Hey guys" I smile and Casey looks over at me

"Al? You okay?"

"Yep, just getting a drink"

She nods and takes my hand and excuses us from talking to Liv.

She leads me upstairs and closes the bedroom door

"It didn't work, did it?"

"No.. "

"Oh, Al" she sits into my lap "I'm sorry"

"Case, to be honest, I'm okay.." I see her raise her eyebrow and I kiss her "I mean it, I sorta prepared myself.. Anyway, as I said to Dr Carin, we can always try again"

"Wow, you are amazing" she says sounding in awe, which makes me blush

I smile "C'mon, its your birthday, we should be celebrating, not sitting up here"

"Ya know, we can just clean up down there and get some rest?"

"Thats spoiling it, come on we'll have a few more drinks"

She nods and as we leave pulls me into a hug "I love you Al"

"I love you too"

"Al, tonight we should just leave it-"

"I know Case, I was going to ask, if you didn't mind..."

"Of course, I'm not really in the mood anyway"

"Same here.. Thanks Case"

"You don't have to thank me babe" she kisses me again and I smile

"Come on, we keep wandering off, people will wonder whats going on"

"Ah, fuck them. Its my party and I'll disappear if I want to"

"It my party and I'll cry if I want to.." I say and she laughs

"Quoting Lesley Gore are ya?" She winks and I smirk

"Well, the situation fits"

"Thats very true" I take her hand and she kisses my cheek when we get down the stairs

xx

AN: Hi everyone, just letting you know I'm not home for the next few days so no wifi! But I'll keep writing and update when I get home!

Review please!


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27:

I walk in the door Christmas Eve a smile on my face, I cant wait to give Casey her present!

But thats not the main reason for my smile, oh no, Casey and I have one whole month off, starting today and to be honest we need it.

Since her party we've hardly even got a chance to speak, we've had fleeting conversations in the mornings before work but at night by the time one of us gets in the other is asleep, so a break is well needed.

I kick off my shoes and throw my case by the hall table.

When I look into the living room I see the glow of the christmas tree lights, Case must be home. I walk in a smile on my face, which falls to form on my lips what I'm sure is a perfect 'O' shape

I see her standing in front of the tree, her hair tied back in a high pony tail, wearing nothing except red underwear and stockings. I just stand and take in how perfect she looks.

The underwear is laced with white fur and I cant help my mouth dry up

"Happy Christmas Alexandra"

I feel my head spin... Oh shit, look at her.

"I-I-I... Oh God"

She smirks and walks over to me, wrapping me in her arms, which I'm thankful for because if my head kept spinning I would've dropped!

"How was your day?"

"I forget.."

She laughs and kisses me. This is perfect. Oh Jesus.. She is so sexy. She oozes sex, its a joke. I wish I could pull this outfit off.. I swear this is one amazing view..

"Casey... You look, wow"

"Thank you, think of it as an early christmas present"

"No, I'll take whatever you are going to do to me while dressed in that, or not, as an early christmas present"

"I want to spoil you.. You always take care of me and tonight I want to take care of you"

"You already do" I say honestly and she flashes me a sweet smile

"I know but.. just let me spoil you"

"I wont argue" I smile and she strips me down, garment by garment as we walk to the bedroom and when get in she lays me on the bed

"I have another present.. Only if you want it. But, I want to ask you before we start, just to see if its.. okay with you"

I take her hand "Whatever it is, just ask. The worst I can say is no"

"Look in the bedside drawer"

I nod and lean over, reaching in and removing what I expected to have gotten her so nervous "Baby, don't be so wound up over this. I want it just as much as you do"

I see her smile and she takes the toy from my hands and places it at our feet "Thats for later"

"Yeah, whats for now?"

"Now? Now, I'm going to show you why I'm on Santa's naughty list"

I moan and she laughs and presses her lips to mine

She moves her lips down my body, to my breasts and takes a nipple between her lips and nips at the aroused flesh

"Case.." I urge and she adds that little more pressure to my nipple, a warning as such and I feel the wetness hit my thighs. I'm seriously aroused by this side of her. Wow.

She places light, open mouth kisses down under my breasts and over my stomach and I suck in air. The lower she gets the harder I'm finding it to breathe.

She obviously hears my sharp intake and moves closer to my centre

"Mmmm, look, at, you.. All wet"

My hips jump slightly at her teasing and she laughs, almost sadistically

"Oh sweetie, you need to calm down, we have a lot more to do tonight and you are this turned on already"

"Casey, please, do something" I pant out and she runs a single finger up my thigh

"What do you want baby?"

"Anything! Seriously, pick"

"No, no. Its your night, let me spoil you, you decide, what, my fingers, my mouth-?"

"Whatever! Seriously! I really don't care! please!" I beg, knowing my pleading is getting her off "Please, Case, please, anything. Just do something"

"Oh baby, what has gotten you so rushed, we have all night-"

"I seriously don't.. If I don't cum soon I might die-"

"Ever the dramatic" she cuts in and to spite her I slip my hand down to my own wet centre

I begin relieving my own tension and I hear her nearly growl and her fingers slip around my wrist

"No Alexandra. I want to spoil you. Me.. Not you"

"Well, hurry the fuck- uhhhh" she pushes her fingers into me and I feel my inner walls clamp down around her! Shit! She has me way too wound up.

"C-Case please!" I continue to beg and she smirks above me

"Hot baby?"

"I swear to God, I will get you back for this, torture isn't the word to what I'll do to you!" I moan out and she uses her thumb to rub at my clit

"Jesus! Casey! Please, make me cum!" My hips buck up again and she smiles

"You wanna cum Al? Cum! Cum for me" she puts more pressure on my clit and after a few more urges from her I'm screaming her name, then not a second later, she drops her head and licks me out and I cry out again

"Fuck! Shit Case!"

She smirks and moves back up to meet my eyes

"That okay baby?"

"I-I-I... Hmmm"

She smirks and I kiss her and after a minute I pull back "That was.. a surprise"

"Its not over, I'm just giving you a minute"

I smile "Thats fine.. But sweet Jesus, when did you get that" I gesture to her underwear and she smirks

"I got it today.. Along with that" she shoots a glance to the dildo resting behind us "you sure you're okay with that, by the way? We never really talked-"

"We don't need to. I trust you"

I see the tears well in her eyes and I smile and pull her into a kiss

"I love you Casey. And I trust you, just, go easy yeah?"

She smiles and runs her hand down my cheek "Of course, I'd never hurt you"

I kiss her again and she reaches for the toy, a smile on her face and I cant help but smile back, she is so happy.

I lay back and try to prepare myself for this.. Jesus, its been years since I've done anything like this. Something tells me this will hurt no matter how gentle Casey is.

I'm brought back to the moment by Casey's hand on my arm "Hey, if you don't wanna do this, its okay. You don't have to-"

"Its not that..." she lays beside me and pulls me close

"Talk to me"

"I-I just.. I'm a little worried, it been years since I've had anything like this..inside me and I just, I'm aware it'll hurt"

"Well, I'll try my best to make it not hurt, okay? And I'll take it slow.. Trust me, I'll go easy with it. By the way, if you need me to stop, don't hesitate to tell me, thats okay-"

"Thank you" I smile and she moves back on top of me.

I feel the silicone against my stomach and I have to admit this is hot, really hot

She begins stroking the length with her hand an after a minute I smile up at her "Let me blow you"

I see her eyes widen and I move closer to it, my head just by her

"I'm okay Case.. I'm not that fragile"

She smiles and positions herself at my mouth "You ready?"

I nod and she lowers the toy down, until it brushes my tongue and I close my lips around the cock. I shift my gaze to hers and see her staring at the red toy slipping in and out of my mouth.

I move a hand up and take the saliva covered toy from my mouth and move it to my centre

She looks down, a hint of worry in her eyes and I smile "I'll tell you to stop if I need you to Case. Don't fret"

She nods and gently pushes into me, slowly adding bit by bit. I feel my walls stretch and cant believe how tight I am around her. She slowly pushes up and my hips buck, causing the toy to push up into me and I hiss

"Shit! Al! You okay?!" She asks worried and I smile

"Jesus yes! Keep going Case"

She smirks and pulls out gently and I moan even more

"C-Case..please"

She slowly but surely pulls out of me and I sigh, still feeling full. She starts moving her hips, thrusting into me and I grit my teeth, wanting to scream.

I move my hips with her, making the urge to cum build up and when I'm finally at breaking point, I pull her down and kiss her. I moan into her mouth and when we pull back she looks down to me, a smile on her face

"You look so sexy.." She smirks

"I doubt that.."

"You do, the 'just fucked' look really suits you, your hair is messy, but nice messy and your cheeks are bright red.."

"Oh God!"

"Your blushing even more now!" She laughs and I bite my lip

"Please, stop talking about my looks"

"Your just saying that cause you don't take compliments well"

"Exactly!"

"Well, I'm complimenting you anyway"

She kisses me again and when we stop I look over to bedside clock

"Hey look, its half twelve, Happy Christmas baby"

"Happy Christmas Al"

She excuses herself to the bathroom and I run over to our chest of drawers and open the bottom drawer, pulling out a small box.

My present for Casey. I put it into our bedside drawer, under my books and smile as I get back into bed, I love Christmas and I know tomorrow will just be perfect!


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

"Happy Christmas baby" I feel her lips on my neck and I sigh

"Mmm, Happy Christmas Case, what time is it?"

"6am"

I sit up "How are you awake!?"

"I want to give you your present!" She smiles

"Oh, I thought last night was my present" I smirk and she laughs

"You know didn't give you sex for our first Christmas as a couple"

I laugh "Yeah. Oh, let Racer in! I want him here!"

Casey smiles, throws on her dressing gown and the next thing I hear is Racer's nails on the tiles. He runs in and jumps up beside me, on Casey's side and when she walks in she squeezes in behind me

"I feel replaced by our dog"

"You are" I smile and she pokes me

"Al.. What are we going to do about food today.. I don't want take out on Christmas"

I laugh "I don't want a house fire either"

"Thats a good point.. Ah, we'll sort it later! Now, presents"

"Oh my God, you are worse than any child"

"Yeah, well I know you badly need this so I decided to get you one"

"Okay.. Give me another clue"

"It'll make our lives a whole lot easier"

"Ah Case, thats not a clue" I smile and she hands me a key

"Key?"

"A key."

"To what?"

"Get dressed and I'll show you"

I smile and we walk down the stairs into the lobby and she walks in the garage door.

Shit.

We walk in and I see a black sports car, with a big red bow on it

I stand in shock "Oh my God..."

She smiles and leads me over to the drives seat "Happy Christmas, now get in"

"A car?! Case.. Thats amazing. Thank you so much" I kiss her and she holds me

"Listen, over the last few months work has fucked us over, sure we'd ride together in the mornings but after work one of us would be that late we'd end up getting a cab, so this will save us money"

I smirk "Thats one way of looking at it.. Oh Casey, thank you, so much. Seriously, this car is awesome!"

I sit in and she hops into the passenger side

"Now, lets go!" She smiles and I reverse out of the garage a smile on my face.

xx

"Wow, that car handles like a dream!" I smile as we step out in the garage later that morning

"Alex, you broke every speed limit in the city!" Casey exclaims as we walk up to the apartment

"Oh calm down! We made it home in one piece"

"We wouldn't have if you kept driving like that!"

"Its just this once, calm down!"

"Don't drive like that again. I don't want you getting hurt"

"I know Casey"

She kisses my cheek and we walk upstairs the whole time my mind on the box in my drawer

I smile as we walk in the door "Now, your present"

She smile back "Okay"

"Its in the bedroom"

She smirks and I roll my eyes "It isn't sex"

"I know but the way you said it it was suggesting sex" we walk in the door and she sits on the bed

"Later, maybe. But now.." I reach into the drawer and take out the small box, I hand it to her and she smiles

"Whats this?"

"Open it"

She opens the box "A key?"

"A key, I didn't get you a car though"

She smiles "Okay.. What did you get?"

"Dress in something fancy-ish and we'll go"

"Go?"

"Go... And I'm driving and I wont speed this time"

"Okay, I want to grab a quick shower first"

I smirk "Ya know, I think I'll get one too.."

"Yeah?" She raises an eyebrow and smiles at me and I walk out the door

"Where are you going?!" She calls after me and I smile

"I'm going to the guest bathroom, you have plans and I want an actual shower, ya know one where I get out cleaner then I went in"

"Ugh, boring" she calls and I smile

"Hurry Case!"


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

"Is this necessary Al?" Casey asks as I cover her eyes with the blindfold

"Yes, it is. This is a surprise"

I start the car and the whole way there Casey quizzes me on what the key is for, why we're driving, where we're going, why she had to dress fancy.

I pull into the driveway and smile

"Now, we're here, leave the blindfold on, we have to walk a little first"

She smiles and I lead her in the door "Do I smell food?" She asks as I close the door behind us and I

kiss her cheek and pull the blindfold off

"You do..."

"Woah.."

"Its ours" I smile and she spins around to face me

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah, Well, obviously if you don't like it-"

"I love it Al, oh my God!"

We walk into the kitchen and she nearly passes out when she sees the dinners on the table

"Alex did you-"

"Hey girls!" Abbie says walking into the kitchen, Olivia in tow

"So, whatcya think?" Olivia asks Casey and she laughs

"Its amazing.. Its crazy! Oh God, I need to sit down" she sits at the table and Abbie hands her a rather large glass of wine

Olivia smirks at me "Happy Christmas Al"

"You too Liv"

"What, am I invisible?" Abbie asks and I put my arm around her shoulder "Happy Christmas Abs"

"So you guys made dinner?" Casey asks the dark-haired women and they smile

"Yeah, but if you get food poisoning, we ordered in" Olivia offers and we all laugh and I sit beside Casey

"You okay?"

"Al, this is amazing.. This must've cost a fortune though!"

"Surprisingly enough, it didn't, I bet the car cost more than the house" I smile and she kisses me

"I love you"

"Love you too Case, now lets eat! I'm sure this meal will be amazing"

"It'll be better than anything you'd make" Abbie jokes and I laugh

"See now, thats funny because its true"

Casey smirks "There would be a lot less fire too"

"Oh my God! That happened one time, forget it"

"Alex, you set the hob on fire!"

"The world couldn't handle my cookery skills thats all that wrong.."

We all laugh and begin on the meal that Olivia and Abbie prepared, which was honestly amazing.

xx

"Hey Case, c'mere" I say from the top of the stairs and she runs up after me and follows me into the largest bedroom

"Oh my God! This is our room?"

"It is.. You like?"

"I do, Alex this place is perfect. I honestly don't think you could've picked a better place"

"Did you see the back garden? Now, Racer can sleep outside in the summer"

"Yeah! Oh wow, he wont know whats going on!"

"He'll learn quick enough" I smile and sit into her lap

"All this furniture is included so if you want to keep anything from your apartment or mine, let me know and we can donate its equivalent from here"

"Our bed?" She asks and I smirk

"Why ever would you want that.."

"Memories"

"In that case we'd need the shower, the couch, the kitchen table, the front door, the living room floor-"

"Okay, I get ya" she laughs and kisses me "anyway, breaking in this bed could be fun"

"See now, I like that idea"

She smiles and takes my hand "When can we move in?"

"Whenever we want Case, whenever we're ready really, and Liv and Abs said they'd help"

"They are so sweet, ya know that?"

"I know right? We better get back down to them, I think A Muppet Christmas Carol was starting"

"I love that film!"

I smile "Me too. C'mon, we'll go down!"

"Hey Al?"

I turn back to her and she pulls me close

"Happy Christmas"

"Happy Christmas sweetheart"


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30:

Racer runs in ahead of me and Casey grabs the box from my hands that nearly falls

"Thanks" I sigh and she smirks

"Isn't moving fun?" She says her voice dripping with sarcasm

"I know its work but look, we only have a couple more boxes and we can start unpacking"

"I suppose.. Do you want lunch.."

"Casey we just started after breakfast!"

She laughs and I kiss her

"Good try though, hey will you go see where Racer went? For all we know he's ripping up the couch"

"Ah no, Race' is a good dog, he wouldn't do that"

"He ate my dress Casey"

"Oh my God! That was ages ago! It was last year.. Get over it"

"It was my good dress! And it was last year a week ago! So that saying doesn't have meaning"

"Anyway, he's a good dog"

I smile "I guess he is. Our little puppy.. Aw, I'm so happy Case, ya know, we are finally together in our house"

"Me too Al.. A new year, a new house, its perfect"

xx

"Al? Everything okay?"

I nod "Um.. Ya know the way you said we should, um, call Dr Carin and ask for the test results?"

"Yeah?"

"She called.."

"And?"

"I'm pregnant"

"What?!"

"I'm pregnant.. We-We're having a baby!"

Casey lifts me into her arms and spins me in the air and when she lets me down we laugh

"Oh my God!" I bite my lip and she kisses me

"We're having a kid!"

"We are!"

"Oh my God, Alex!"

I pull her close and hold her and she buries her head into my neck

"I love you Alex"

"Love you too Case"

She kisses my neck and pulls back "We have enough done for today, I think we should go get some dinner and maybe walk Racer?"

"Perfect Case, just let me change?"

"You look stunning the way you are but if you insist on changing.."

I smile and blush "Thank you but I have to insist, I'm all sweaty from moving stuff"

"Me too actually"

We walk upstairs and when I strip off, Casey comes up behind me and slips her arms around my waist, resting her hands on my stomach

I smile "We need to get food"

"We can wait a minute" she says and runs her thumb over my stomach "I cant believe it Al.."

"Me either.. It worked! Finally!"

"A family.." She smiles and I put my hand over hers

"Should I call Abs? Get her to meet us for dinner?" I ask and she nods

"Yeah, great idea Al"

"We better get ready, I'm getting hungry"

"Me too" She kisses me again and pulls away to start getting dressed

I'm pregnant.

Having a baby. Wow. This is huge!

xx

"Abs.. We have news," I start and she smiles and cuts in

"Is it something to do with why you're drinking water?"

I smile "Am I that hard on alcohol that you notice when I stop drinking?"

She laughs "So, it worked then"

I nod and Casey takes my hand "We're having a baby"

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Abbie squeezes my arm and I smile

"Oh and we moved into the new house, fully.."

"Wow, look at you too, growing up"

Casey laughs "Yeah, what can I say, shes changed me"

I swat at her "I have not!"

Abbie smirks "You two are so cute!"

"Ew.. Cute sounds like you're describing a puppy"

She laughs "Alex, you are cute, accept it"

"Yeah Al, accept it" Casey pokes my side and I lean into her

"Love you Case"

"Love you too Al"


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

I roll over to Casey when I hear her cell ring on the side table

"Case... Answer it!" I moan and she clicks the call on

"Novak.. Hmm.. Yeah.. M'kay Liv, I can come in, yeah see you then"

I feel her stand out of bed "I have to go Al.. I don't know when I'll be home, some high profile case"

"Yeah, okay honey. Oh, don't forget we have our first scan tomorrow"

"Yep, 11am right?"

"Yeah, 11"

"I cant believe how quick the weeks are flying by"

"Yeah I know. 8 weeks already"

"Okay, well, I should see you before the scan anyway. Love you Al"

"Love you too babe, drive careful"

"Yep!" She calls as she walks down the hall and I roll back over and pull one of her pillows close to me

It smells just like her.

God I hate how work is dragging her away from me. I know we could retire but she has a real passion for the job, a passion I think I'm loosing to be honest. Of course I'll keep working, but I refuse to let this job break me. When enough is enough, I'll bow out.

I look over at the bedside clock, 10am.

Later than I thought.

I might walk Racer and maybe go see Abs. I haven't see her in a while and it'd be nice to talk to her

I lay for another while and then drag myself up when Racer scrapes at the bedroom door. I smile and open the door and he jumps up on the bed, which I lie back into.

He lays closer to me and I rest against him

"Hey pup, ugh.. I'm so tired lately. And hungry, really hungry, mostly tired though.. And horny.. That too" I laugh, pregnancy really fucks with your mind

"You wanna go for a walk pup?" I ask and his tail wags

"Of course you do, okay, I'll get dressed and then we can go"

xx

"Will we go see aunt Abbie pups?" I ask patting his head and we walk out the park gates and towards Abbie's house and then it hits me

The stabbing pain in my side. Shit.

I walk down to Abbie's, which was quite a struggle to say the least and when I get to her house I pound on the door

"Abs! Let me in!"

She opens the door "Al, what the hell is going-"

I feel the tears roll down my cheeks "Abs, I think I'm loosing the baby"

"Oh God, come in"

I let Racer go, and he runs ahead of me. Abbie leads me to the bathroom and when we get there she pulls down my jeans, showing the blood seeping through my underwear

"Oh God.." I grab the side of the bath and she supports me

"Al, it okay. Come on lets go to the hospital-"

"No. No hospital. I just want a couple of aspirin"

"Aspirin wont help Alex"

"Abs, I don't wanna go"

"Okay.. Okay, I'll get some aspirin.. Al, you should go get some rest. I'm going to call Casey-"

"Oh Jesus.. Casey"

Abbie takes my hand "She'll be okay Al. You both will, you love each other."

I rest my head in my hands and Abbie kisses my forehead "Its okay Al.. I'm gonna go get you some fresh underwear"

"Thank you" I mumble and when she leaves I cry. Properly this time.

Can nothing work out for us? Casey is going to be heartbroken..

It just came from no where, I wasn't in pain until it started.. I wish I could've stopped it. Knowing something that could've helped..

I blink and more tears hit my cheeks, then Abbie slips her arms around me

"Al, sweetie, its okay. Are you in much pain?"

I nod and she hands me the underwear and a sanitary towel

"Clean yourself up, have a quick shower if you like? I'll get some aspirin out and heat up the bed for you. You might as well stay here, I'll call Casey and tell her to come here, Do you want to tell her?"

"No, Abbie please you tell her I cant, I couldn't-"

"Al, slow down.. Its okay, I'll tell her, when she gets here"

"Thank you"

"Okay, now, I'm going to leave and let you clean up"

"Thanks Abbie.. For all of this"

"No problem honey"

I smile sadly at her and she closes the door.

I stand up and see the blood stains on the toilet lid. Fuck sake..

I wipe that down and pull off my underwear and throw them in the bin beside the sink

The cramping gets stronger now and I just cant wait to get some sleep. I don't think sleeping this off will work though. Casey wont let me.

Oh.. Casey.

I turn on the shower and wash away the blood. This is horrible.

Casey is going to be so upset and I wont be able to say anything to help her..

I'll probably make it worse.

Oh God.. What will I say? What will I do?

Shes going to be in bits..

I shut off the shower and slip on my fresh underwear and then I notice the tracksuit Abbie left out for me. She is so sweet.

I walk out the door after I throw on the tracksuit and when I go to the kitchen., Abbie takes my hand "You feeling better?"

"Yeah, a little"

"Good. Here" she hands me a water and two aspirin and I thank her

"By the way, I called Case"

"Yeah.."

"Shes on her way"

"I don't wanna be here when you tell her"

"I know, I have the bed heating up for you, I'll send her into you after I tell her"

"Thanks Abs.."

"Its okay Alex, you wanna go lie down?"

I nod and she hands me a pint glass full of water "You need to keep drinking"

"Thanks"

She squeezes my hand and I walk to the bedroom and crawl into the heated bed.

I lay down and I feel the hot water bottle beside me and press it against my stomach. Thats helping a little.

How am I going to face Casey? She will be asking questions I cant answer and it'll just be too difficult. I cant talk to her. I don't want to upset her. I don't want to upset myself.

I close my eyes and just concentrate on breathing and I try to block the pain out. To my surprise it works, the pain isn't as intense.

Then I hear the door click open "Al?"

I open my eyes but I don't turn and face the door. I know she'll be upset and I cant see her like that.

"Case.." I say shakily and I here her footsteps get closer to me

She lays in behind me and pulls me into her arms.

"Alex..talk to me"

I close my eyes "I cant.."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to talk Casey.. Not yet"

"Okay. I wont force you.. How are you feeling?"

"Tired"

I don't mean to be so short with her but its delaying talking about it.

"Oh... Okay Alex. I'll let you sleep" she gets out of bed and I turn to face her

"Case! Don't go.."

She looks over and slips back in beside me "I'm just trying to help"

"I don't want you to leave. Please"

"I wont. I just thought It'd help"

"I know"

We lay together in a comfortable silence and after a minute she whispers something, so quiet I can hardly hear her

"What?" I ask and she sighs

"I'm sorry Al"

"Why?" I ask and she runs her fingers through my hair

"I shouldn't have left you.. I-I should've stayed" I hear the heartbreak in her voice and when I look up she is crying

"Casey, you had to work.. Anyway, you weren't to know this would happen.. I didn't even know"

"I know but I could've helped.."

"You couldn't have.. Anyway, Abs was great Casey.. Don't worry, I'm okay"

"I'm not" she says and I pull her closer

"Yeah.. Maybe I'm not okay but I'm trying to be"

She nods and kisses me "We will be okay, eventually"

"We will"

And I believe her. It'll take time but we will be okay.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32:

"Ladies... I made dinner?" Abbie says and I sit up

"Thanks Abs, but I'm not really that hungry"

Casey looks over at me "Alex you have to eat.."

"And I will when I want to.. Christ stop nagging"

Abbie excuses herself and Casey glares at me

"I'm trying to do whats best for you Alex"

"Yeah, well butt out Casey. Thats best for me. When I'm hungry I'll eat, when I want to talk I'll talk, just stop! Stop trying to make me do stuff I don't want to do, okay?!"

"Ya know what Alexandra, fine. When you WANT to see me, I'll be at home" she snaps and walks out and I sigh

Great.

I lay back down and within seconds Abbie is in the room

"What the hell just happened?!"

"She left"

"I know that! Why?!"

"I told her to butt out and stop nagging me"

"Alex... Shes just trying to help you"

I sigh "You too? Seriously. Listen, what you both need to see is if I want help I'll ask for it-"

"Its not about wanting help! Its needing help! You both just lost a baby! Fucking hell Alex! This is when you should be together not clawing each others eyes out!"

"Oh whatever.."

"No! Stop talking to me like you're a teenager who didn't get your way! Alex, whether you want to or not you have to talk to her. Did you ever think that shes grieving too? That shes in just as much emotional pain as you are? You need to go home and talk to her Alex, not lie here by yourself, hurting"

"You're right.."

"I'm always right" she smiles attempting to lighten the mood and I smile

"Is there still some food? I should eat.."

"Of course, come on, I'm sure Racer is dying to see you"

"Jesus.. The poor dog probably doesn't know whats going on"

"I played with him, let him out and fed him, I'd say he's fine"

"Abbie, really, thanks for everything today. I wouldn't have been able to do this by myself and you really helped me, thanks"

"No problem Al, now c'mon, we may eat something"

"Okay"

xx

"Al, I really think I should give you a ride home"

"No, Abs I'm fine, really.. I can walk, anyway, Racer probably could do with a walk"

"Okay, call me and let me know you get home, okay?"

I hug her "Will do Abs, thanks again for today"

"No problem Al"

I walk down Abbie's road and around the corner and Racer jumps up at me

"Hey pup.."

I smile at him and he licks my hand

"C'mon, we need to get home to Case" I walk him down and I stop when we pass by a liquor store

I'm going to need alcohol.

I think am turning into an alcoholic. Abbie noticed when I stopped drinking, twice. I'll really need to cut down after this..

I tell Racer to sit and he looks in the door as I walk in, waiting for me.

"Vodka.. Large Bottle" The man behind the counter nods and takes down the bottle

"$32"

I take out the money and hand it to him and he gives me the bottle in a bag.

I walk out and Racer is still sitting looking in the door. I smile and pat his head

"Good boy.."

I grab his leash and we walk down towards the house. We pass by the park and I stop

"C'mon Race.." I lead him in the gates of the park and he jumps and wags his tail, obviously recognising where we are

We walk for a while and I sit on a bench and he jumps up beside me. I smile and he licks my arm and I sigh.. I should go home.

I look down at the bag with the vodka in it and I close my eyes.

Oh God.. Is this what my life has turned to? Drinking Vodka in the park.. I know I could go home but then I'd have to talk to Casey and well, to be honest sitting here with Racer and drinking myself stupid just seems easier.

I screw open the bottle and take a swig. I wince when I feel the burn of the liquid going down my throat.

I know I shouldn't be here. I should be with Casey. Normal people spend time with their respective partners to grieve, and me, well I get drunk in a park.

I take another swig and I hear my cell ring. I reach into my hoodie and take out my cell, Casey.

I cant not answer, she'd be worried..

"Hi.."

"Alex! Where are you?! Abbie said you left over an hour ago?!"

"I'm in the park"

"Why are you- never mind, I'll be there in a few, stay there, okay?"

"M'kay"

I hang up and take another mouthful of vodka

"Ugh!" I moan and Racer licks my cheek

I face him and smile "I know pup.. You don't know whats wrong. I'm okay.."

He lowers his head and I pat him "Good boy.."

He jumps off the bench and takes off down the path and then I see where is running to, or who

"Casey" I smile and she walks over to me

"Alex! You had me so worried. Abbie called to see if you got home and she said you left just after 8? Its now nearly ten.. Why didn't you come home?"

"Because..."

"Alex, I'm not twelve, that isn't an answer"

"I didn't want to. I wanted to drink in peace"

She sits beside me and takes my hand "This isn't grieving Alex.."

"I'm not trying to grieve, I'm trying to drink"

"I know that. But I also know that you think drinking will help you get over this, it wont. You could drink that whole bottle but you still wouldn't forget"

"I know.. Its just hard. We cant keep doing this, trying and trying and nothing works. I cant keep putting myself through that. I'm sick of pretending that I'm okay with this, I'm not. I'm sick of trying to forget.." By the end I'm sobbing and Casey pulls me into her arms

"I never asked you to forget Alex. I always want you to talk, whenever you need to.."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier, I shouldn't have"

"I'm sorry I left.. That was wrong. We could've talked it through"

"I love you Casey"

I move my hands around to her back "I love you too Al. You wanna go home?"

"Please.."

She takes my hand, and the vodka bottle and I walk Racer. As we get back to the building she kisses my cheek

"Al, when you need to talk, I'm here. I have you"

"Thanks Case and the same for you, I'm always here"

"I took some time off.. I explained what happened"

"Thanks Case.."

"No problem Al, now come on, I bet you're tired, we should both probably sleep"

We go up to the apartment and Casey leaves the bottle in the kitchen and I let Racer into the living room.

We both walk up to the bedroom and as soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep. I guess its been a long day..


	33. Chapter 33

AN: Hi everyone :) thanks for all the reviews! I hope you all enjoy the story well, maybe not this part with all the sadness but it will get better.. In a few chapters

Chapter 33:

"Explain to me again why you're here?" Abbie asks again and I sigh

"Casey said it would be best if I try and take my mind off the last few weeks by going out, without her. So I'm here getting you to come with me"

"You do realise that it sounded like she wanted you to go out and get laid"

I slap her side "Thats not what she meant, I know what she meant, now get into something fancy and lets go"

"Fine.. You're not drinking though"

"Abbie, we're going out, I can drink if I choose to"

"Alex, seriously, lay off the alcohol.."

"If this is what you're going to be like all night I'd rather be alone"

"Alex.."

"Stay here. I'll go alone Abbie"

"Alex-"

"Stay Abbie. I mean it"

I walk out and down the stairs despite hearing her calls for me to come back.

I get outside and when the chill in the air hits me I curl further into my woollen jacket

I'm so sick of them, the two of them thinking I have I problem, I don't. And I know, thats what every alcoholic says but I mean it, I can do without alcohol, honestly but I choose not to.

Why should I?

Life continues to fuck me over and I use alcohol as a crutch. That doesn't mean I have a problem. Having a problem would be drinking 1 or 2 bottles of wine everyday, when I'm at home I hardly ever drink unless its a small wine with dinner.

Sure I drink when I go out, and I can if I want too. Its my money. If I choose to have a few drinks its nobody else's business but mine, its not Casey's and its sure as hell not Abbie's.

Well, she said I need to go out. And I will.

I walk into the bar and order a glass of wine and as I sit down I feel a hand on my shoulder

"Al?"

I turn around

"Olivia.. Hi"

"Where's Casey?"

"At home"

"Oh.. Okay.. You mind if I join you?"

"Knock yourself out"

"Al, ya know, if you need to talk about anything, I'm here?"

"I'm good thanks Liv" i take the wine and drain nearly half the glass in one mouthful and I catch Olivia's skeptical gaze

"You sure you're okay?"

I sigh "Not really. Abbie and Casey are pissing me off"

"Yeah.. Why?"

"They think I'm an alco"

Olivia nods "Oh.. And are you?"

"No.. I like a drink.. and anyway its none of their damn business"

"Alex, they are trying to look out for you.."

"I don't care!"

"Okay, if you don't have a problem, how much have you drank, say.. in the last week"

"...Around 2 bottles"

"Of?"

"Wine"

"Ya know, Alex, you aren't an alcoholic but to be honest if you keep drinking like that, it won't be long until you are. I can see why they are concerned.. Does Casey know you're here?"

"Shes not my mother Olivia, I don't have to tell her everywhere I go"

"I think you should go home Al.."

"I think you should fuck off Olivia"

She sighs and walks out the door and I order another wine.

By the time I have that one gone I hear my name being called and I sigh

"Casey-"

"Shut up and let me talk. You lied to Abbie! I didn't even know you were out! And then you turn on Liv! And don't lie, they both called!"

"Ya know what Casey, I'm fine, so you and everyone else need to stop. Stop saying I have a problem, stop saying I need help, just please stop!"

"I love you Alex, so much. I just want you to be alright.. This" she motions around us "this isn't alright"

"I know.."

"You may not have a problem Alex, but you are heading there, big time. I want you, I want us to be okay.. And since we started trying we haven't been okay. Not even close Al"

"I know.."

"And I understand its rough on you. Of course it is but lying and sneaking around and drinking are not the answers.."

"I know.."

"Oh my God! Stop saying you know.. Its aggravating"

"What do you want me to say Casey?!"

"I want you to talk! Talk to me! Stop hiding behind alcohol! I'm sick of it!"

"You're sick of it?! I'm sick it! Sick of all of it! Sick of failing, sick of drinking, sick of fighting! All of it!"

She grabs my shoulders, making me look her in the eye "Well then talk to me! Thats why I'm here! I love you and I want to help you"

"I know you do! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry but I'm not good at this.. I cant deal with this properly!"

"And thats okay Al.. But one way not to deal is to lie to me and sneak around. Thats not dealing but it is driving a wedge between us. I hate fighting with you Al but it seems like lately thats all we've been doing"

"I'm sorry"

She takes my hand "Its not just your fault"

"Can we go home?"

"We can" she kisses my cheek and I pull her into a hug

"I wish none of this had happened. I wish we could just go back to how we were"

"We can. We can Al"

"How?"

"I don't know Alex. I really don't... But we can try. Now come on, lets go"


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

"Casey... Throw out the alcohol"

"What?" She walks into the kitchen and I'm sitting at the table

"All the alcohol in the house, please, get rid of it, you're right. I need to cut down.. or off. Please, I don't care what you do, drink it, sell it, pour it down the sink, just please, get it some where I cant get it"

"Alex, I'm so proud of you"

"You might need to take my money.."

"Alex, a couple of drinks a week is okay, but a couple of bottles isn't. I'm not going to take your money, I trust that you wont get shit-faced every night of the week"

"Thanks Case"

"You're welcome Al. Now, come here" she motions for me to walk over to her and when I do she pulls me close

"Listen to me Alexandra. I'm not going to run away from you. Drink, scream, cry, whatever I'm here okay?"

I nod into her and she squeezes me

"Alex.. One more thing, I know we sorta talked about it but the sneaking around, thats a problem for me. I love you but when you lie and hide from me, it hurts. I thought we could talk about anything? You don't need to run from me"

"I get it. I should talk to you. But Case, listen to me okay? I know I told you I was sick of forgetting.. Forgetting about trying. I know, but talking about it all, it should help but it doesn't. It makes me feel sick, physically sick, I cant take it. You are always welcome to discuss it with me but I cant talk about my side anymore. I'm done talking about it, okay?"

"Thats okay Alex... I understand. You don't have to talk if you don't want too"

"Thank you Case, thats a relief"

"No problem Al"

I run my hands up her back "Casey, do you, um, want to go to bed?"

"Its only 7pm-"

I move up and kiss her and she pulls away

"Alex.. Its only been a few weeks.. Are you sure?"

"I am, c'mon Casey, lets go"

xx

"Alex.. That was.."

"I know..."

"Wow.."

I laugh and she pulls me into her "Al, a few months ago me and you talked about a holiday? Maybe we should go on a weekend break?"

"Sure, we will actually have to go this time.."

"I know. We will plan it, I'll make sure of it"

"Before that we'll need to have Liv and Abs over.."

"Yeah?"

"I need to apologise for last night"

"I think thats a good idea Al. Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'll order in some Chinese"

"Good idea sweetheart. Now, we better get some sleep, I'm tired"

"Same here. Goodnight Case"

"Sleep well Al"

xx

"Hi Alex" Olivia says awkwardly as I stand back and let her in

"Liv, I'm so sorry about last night, I shouldn't have been so snappy with you, I was stressed out and I know you were just trying to help"

"I just want you to be okay, both of you Al. You have been through a lot.."

"We're getting there Liv. We really are"

"I'm glad" she hugs me and I sigh

"Thank you Olivia"

"No problem Alex"

"Come on, Case is in the kitchen-"

I'm interrupted by a knock and I take a deep breath "Thats Abs, you can go into Case if you like"

"Great, thanks Al"

I nod and turn back to open the door. When I do I'm met with Abbie, who has a frown on her face, something that I never see

Never.

"Abs-"

"You lied to me, and walked out. You have never lied to me..."

"Abbie, I was stressed out-"

"So you lie to the people who want to help you?"

"I'm sorry okay! Come on Abs.."

"Alex, we've know each other since forever, I love you and I just want you to be okay. You are my best friend, I hate seeing you like this"

"Casey and I are getting better Abs. We are.."

"I'm glad. Alex, you can always talk to me, about anything. But when you start shit like lying and sneaking around it fucks us up"

"I know Abs, I'm sorry.."

"Its okay Ally, come here" she pulls me in close and I smile

"I love you too Abs. Now come on, we have to get some dinner, Liv and Case are waiting for us"

"Sure, hey Al, I am really happy you and Case are okay again"

"Yeah, me too"


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35:

"Hey.. Al, can we talk?" Casey asks me and I sit up on the couch and leave down my book

"Sure.. Everything alright babe?"

"...Its not really about me"

"Okay?"

"Its about us.."

I feel my heart sink any conversation that starts with 'its about us' is not going to end well.

"Case, can I just ask something? Is this about starting trying again?"

She sighs "Are we that predictable now?"

I take her hand "No.. Case, neither of us really brought it up before now. I think we should talk about it though and now's as good a time as any"

"Al.. I don't know what I want. I don't think we could handle it if it didn't work this time.."

"Casey, I get what your saying but to be honest, we could just try one more time. Once. And if that doesn't work then I guess we should shop around"

She smiles despite the seriousness of the conversation and pulls me into a hug "Whatever you want. I just don't want to hurt us anymore.."

"We're strong Case and I know the last few months haven't been our best but we can do it, get through it all, because we love each other. Casey, I want a family and I'm willing to try everything to get one but I just really wanted this way to work, ya know?"

"I know.. But you're right. We're strong. We can pull through. Thanks Al"

I kiss her and we lay back down together "Okay Case. I'll call Dr Carin tomorrow.. Talk to her. She said after last time I should give my body a break.."

"Its been nearly a month now.."

"I know. I'll see what she says, I'll go on my lunch break tomorrow.."

"Can I come Al?"

"Of course Casey. Its our lives, you don't need to ask my permission"

"I know.."

Something seems wrong. Shes gone quiet all of a sudden

"Casey? Whats wrong?"

"Nothing" she plasters a smile on and goes to walk to the kitchen and I grab her hand, gently interlocking our fingers

"Casey.."

She sits back in beside me and after a minute of silence, sighs

"I'm scared Alex.. Scared of trying again and it going wrong. I know what you said, that we can make it through but Al.. We barely made it through this time. I don't want to loose you because of this-"

"Hey, Case, stop. I'm not going any where. I know, I didn't hold up too great after last time and a lot of arguments happened but Casey, I'd never leave. Never, okay? You are it for me. Why would I walk out on that?"

"I'm sorry.. I sound paranoid" she buries her head into me and I kiss the top of her head

"Its okay. I was scared after last time.. Scared you'd go"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know.. It just felt like one fight after another and I freaked out"

"Al.. You shoulda told me this sooner.."

"I know. Sorry"

"Hey its okay.. Its all out now. We're okay"

"We are" I nod and kiss her again

"What should we do for dinner?"


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

I walk into Dr Carin's office and I'm instantly hit with all our memories.

This needs to work.

Casey and I really need this to work.

"Alex.." I look up and Dr Carin had obviously saying something

"Sorry.. I zoned out"

She nods "I guessed. I was just asking if you're sure you want to do this again so soon.. You can do it, but are you both 100% about it"

"I really think we are. We talked a lot about it, we agreed if it doesn't work we could try adoption"

"I think thats wise. Doing this and being unsuccessful has a great strain, both on you and the relationship.."

"Yeah.. I know"

"You both okay now?"

I smile, shes obviously been with couples like us before

"Yeah, it was rough.. A lot of fights but we'll get there"

"Good, you two seem perfect for each other"

"Shes the best Amanda"

"Alex, how have you been?"

"Um, physically, fine"

"Mentally?"

"I wasn't great to be honest.. I didn't cope well"

"We couldn't expect you to Alex"

"I drank.."

"Much?"

"A bit.. Thats what caused a lot of our fights"

"When you drank you didn't talk"

"No.. I didn't"

"I'd know about that" she shows me her AA chip

"Wow.. How long?"

"2 years"

"Wow, well done Amanda"

"Alex, drinking really isn't the answer, okay? I don't want you to end up in AA. I like you Alex, you seem sensible, don't throw that away"

"Thanks Amanda" I smile and she smiles back

"Thats okay Alex. Now, back to the topic in hand, we took that blood test today and I'll call and let you know when to come in and we can try again, okay?"

"Thanks Amanda"

"No problem"

I look at my watch "Shit, I have to go! I'm late to court"

She smiles "Okay, sorry I probably kept you talking.."

"No actually, that helped, a lot. Thank you"

"I'll let you know. Bye Alex"

"See ya soon Amanda"

xx

"Hey baby" I wrap Casey in a hug when she comes home and she sighs when she lays into me

"Ugh, its so good to see you"

"Rough day?"

"Understatement. Sorry I couldn't go to the appointment.. How was it?"

"Okay. She took blood and said she'd call. Come on, lie down with me"

We walk to the couch and when we lie down I see her holding her neck

"Whats wrong?" I gesture to her hand

"I think I have a creek in my neck"

"Oh.. Here. Go lie on the bed, face down, I'll give you a massage"

She smiles and kisses my cheek "Thank you"

"No problem"

I walk to the bathroom and grab some oil and when I walk back to the bedroom Casey is in nothing only her underwear

I'm going to need restraint. This is for her, shes in pain. I'm making her better..

I can think of other ways to make her better-

No.

I kneel over her, one knee each side of her back and begin to massage her, starting with her back.

She moans "Al.. T-Thats great"

I smile "I'm glad"

I keep it up, gradually moving my hands up to her neck and she tenses when I hit where its creaked

"Sorry baby"

"No, its working.. Keep going Al"

I massage deeper and she moans again and I cant ignore how wet this is getting me..

Her moaning sounds so sexy and I just cannot deal with it

I keep massaging her neck and after a while I slip one hand down her body, down just below her back and she squirms

"Mmmm, Al.."

I smile and move my hands down lower and I lightly begin to play with her

"Alex if you're going to get me off hurry, I've been horny all day"

"Yeah? Thats why you were so happy to see me.."

"Jesus Al.. Please"

I spread her legs further apart and she tries to push down on me but I stop her

"Case..Don't rush"

"Alex.." She whines and I smile

"Please Al.. I've been thinking about this all day"

I move my hands back and massage her thighs

"Yeah? What were you thinking about?"

"Y-You.. Getting me off"

"I'm going to ask you something, and I want an honest answer.."

"Of course"

"Did you finish yourself at work today?"

"No, I waited for you to"

"I don't know how truthful that is but it was a good answer" I push my fingers up into her and feel her tighten around me, trying to keep me in. She really is desperate to cum

"A-Al please"

I move my other hand under her hips and begin playing with her clit

"Casey.. You're drenched"

"As I-I said, I've wanted this all day"

"Cum Casey.." I urge and within seconds my hand is wetter than it was

"A-Al.." She mumbles into the duvet and I smile and move up beside her

"You alright baby?"

"Mmmm"

I laugh and wrap my arms around her

"You relax, I'm going to get us something to eat"

She mumbles something that sounds like thanks and I throw a blanket over her

"I wont be long"

I smile as I walk out to the kitchen.. She had that planned.

I'm too gullible.. Ah well, what can I do, that was fun!

Ya know, things are starting to feel right again..


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37:

"Casey.. Before we go back here and do this, I need to ask.. Are you 100% that you want this again? I know we talked but Dr Carin said we both need to be 100% and I know I am... Are you?"

She takes my hand and I see the tears well up in her eyes "I'm sure Alex.."

"Yeah? Good. Lets go then, we don't want to be late"

She takes my hand and I smile as we walk to the car

"Ya know Case, Amanda and I had a good talk when she called me in during my lunch"

"Yeah.. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah fine. Its just, its like she related to me. It was nice"

"I'm glad you are talking to someone" she says abruptly and I take her hand

"Hey.. Don't think I'm letting her replace you Case, I'm just saying, she asked certain questions and it got me talking. Case, listen, I love you, its just, for some reason i found it easier to say certain things to Amanda"

"I understand"

"Casey... I know you. You're angry"

"I'm not"

"Look at me" I raise her chin up with my finger and she meets my gaze "You. You are it for me Case.. Just remember that, 'kay?"

"Sorry" she lowers her eyes and I pull her into a kiss

"Don't worry about it.. I know, you wanted me to talk but for some reason I couldn't"

"What did she have that I didn't?"

"A drinking problem.."

"What?" Casey asks and I bite my lip

"She asked how I was and I told her mentally I was screwed up. I told her I drank a lot and she asked then if that was my cure instead of talking to you.. I agreed and she said she knew how I felt and showed me her AA chip.. Casey, I just felt like she understood how I felt when I drank nearly a bottle of wine in one night.. She understood when I tried to hide from my problems, and drink them away.. I know I should talk to you too but.. I just couldn't, I'm sorry Casey"

Casey takes my hand "Thats okay Alexandra. I really am happy you talked to her.. She knew how you were feeling. Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah" I smile and squeeze her hand "Thank you, for understanding"

"Its okay Al" she starts the car and we start our drive to the clinic.. Here's hoping this works!

xx

*4 weeks later*

I'm sitting in the bathroom in shock.

Actually, its shock and being completely terrified.

I'm pregnant. Again.

Again.

And what? What if this doesn't work.. What if this ends like all the other ones, in heartbreak.

I sit looking at the test and I realise I have a choice.

I can tell Casey, get her hopes up... Or well, I could wait. Wait and be sure, 100% sure that this is real this time. That we are having a baby.

I need to get out of here. I'll go see Abbie, ask her.

I wrap the test in tissue and place it at the bottom of the bin, covering it with more tissue.

I cant tell her..

I walk out and make up our empty bed and sigh

She'll wonder if I'm not in work.. I'll say I didn't feel like it.

I call Racer from the back garden and he runs in and sits by my feet

I pat his head and clip on his leash and rush out the door and over to Abbie's.

I get there and knock on the door and when she answers I have a massive smile on my face and she raises an eyebrow

"Whats going on?"

"I'm pregnant Abs"

"Really?! Aw Al! Thats great!" She hugs me and I pull back

"I'm not telling Casey"

Her eyes widen "W-What?"

"I don't think I should.. I don't want to get her hopes up again.."

"What you gonna go nine months an not tell her"

"Don't be silly, I'm only gonna wait a couple of months. Just to be sure.."

"Alex.. She wont like you lying to her"

"I'm doing it so it wont hurt us if I-I loose it again"

"Alex.. I don't know"

"What would you do if you were me?"

"Honestly, I don't know Al.."

"Neither do I.. I think this could be a good thing for us. If I loose this Abbie, as much as she says she wont, I'm convinced she'll leave.."

"Why would she do that? Al, you need to have more confidence in her.. Do you remember what you said to me a few weeks ago? You said you wanted to marry her.. Why don't you do that instead of lying to her!"

"I never thought properly about it"

"Never?"

"Never about asking.. I've thought a lot about marrying her but never asking.."

"She'd say yes"

"You don't know that"

"Oh my God Alex! Open your eyes! That woman is infatuated with you.. Don't bullshit and think she wouldn't say yes.. She'd say it in a heartbeat"

"Yeah?"

"Of course Al.. God.. Your self-esteem really needs working on. You are amazingly talented, beautiful, caring, kind, wonderful.. just, Alex, if you want to, you should ask her, believe me, she'd say yes"

"And I know that.. Really I do, I know she loves me. I just.. this not being able to have children thing its getting to me"

"Alex.. How do you think she feels? You are the only one able to try conceiving.. She is probably hating herself so much because she's forcing this on you"

"She isn't forcing it on me!-"

"-Exactly! But thats what she could think! And I'm trying to show you that what you think, its all in your head hon', of course she wont leave you"

"You're right.." I smile at her and she pats my back

"You're welcome"

"Hey Abs.. You wanna help me pick out a ring?"

"Sure! When"

"Now..?"

"Now?!"

"That okay?"

"Perfect" she smiles and lets Racer into the back garden.

"Lets go!"

xx

"Wow..." Abbie drawls looking at the ring "Screw her, marry me"

I laugh and shut the box "Yeah I think that ring seems perfect then"

"I'm serious marry me" she smirks at me and I laugh

"Sure, lets run now, they'll never find us"

She lifts me into her arms and we run to the car

"Abbie!" I shriek and she laughs harder

"We cant waste a second!"

We get to the car and she puts me down and we both laugh hysterically

"As fun as married life with you would be, I think I'll stick with Case.. She's better in bed anyway" I wink and she scoffs

"Hon' you haven't had both of us so you cant argue that case properly"

"Trust me.. You haven't had Casey"

"Oh, in my head I have"

I slap her and she laughs "Joke! Joke Al.. Calm down"

"C'mon, lets get home" I smile and she hops into the car.

That was a great day.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38:

I smile as I walk in the door and I see Casey on the couch on the laptop

"Hey Al.. How are you?"

I sigh "Tired, you?"

I'm not lying. I'm not lying.

"Me too.. Al, I'm just looking here, our cabin up north would be perfect this time of year"

"Yeah? Baby, thats a great idea"

"When do you want to go?"

"We're on a case at the minute, but after that we can go"

"We deserve it, don't we?"

"I guess we do.. Thanks Case.."

"For what?"

"For planning all this.. I just, I procrastinate and well we'd never go if you left it to me to plan!"

"You are not a procrastinator Alexandra, if anything you are the opposite"

I smile sit into her lap "I miss you lately, this case must be a bitch"

"It is.. Jesus Al.. When I get what I need I find a problem with the detectives side of it and when they get what they need Jack dismisses it and says its no use, we need more.. I just-"

"-Baby you need to relax.. Come here" I pull her in and kiss her and after a minute she moans into me

"Al, that was amazing" she smiles and I kiss her cheek again

"Case, can I just say, I'm really happy.. Me and you, together in this house, with Racer, trying for kids... I've never been so happy"

"I know Al, me too. You make me so happy, its amazing"

She runs her hand up my arm and I smile

"I love you Casey"

"I love you too Al" she kisses me again and she takes my hand

"Listen, no matter what happens with having babies, or adoption or anything we have each other okay?"

"Were you talking to Abbie by any chance?"

She sighs "She mentioned you were blaming yourself over everything.. Al, I love you. I love you so much and it hurts me to think that you are putting so much upset and pressure on yourself, I promise you, you are it for me. No matter what, Alex, I'm yours as long as you'll have me"

"You'll always be mine Casey"

"And thats how I feel too baby, please, don't think I'm going to run away from you. I wouldn't"

"I'm sorry.."

"Don't apologise sweetie. You cant help how you feel"

"Abbie said to me that you could feel like this too.."

"Like You're going to leave? Sometimes.. When you were drinking, I thought you would"

"That and we talked about loosing the babies and I said it was getting to me.. She said it could be getting to you too because-"

"Because?" She asks and I sigh

"Because, I'm the one trying"

"And I'm not.." she sighs and continues "Yeah, to be honest, I feel partly to blame, I wish I was helping more.."

"You are helping Case.. So much, I don't think you realise how much you help me.. God, I love you so much"

She wraps me into a hug "I love you too Al. I just want you to hold you in my arms, protect you from all the hurt... but I cant, cant protect you from everything, all the pain"

"Casey, thats what I'm talking about, you don't see how you help. Hearing you say you love me, feeling you hold me.. It helps me so much, it takes away my hurt piece by piece"

"I-I didn't think I..."

"You do Casey. You help me so much"

"Come on, lets go to bed"

I take her hand and we walk to the room hand-in-hand and when we lay together, her arms around my waist, I notice her tears hitting my neck

"Case, whats up?"

"Nothing wrong. Its just you.. You know exactly what to say, what to do, to make me feel better.. I love you so much Al"

"I love you too Casey, now come on, you need to try and sleep, you had a long day" I kiss her cheek

"Goodnight sweetheart"

"Goodnight Alex"


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39:

*2 weeks later*

"Okay baby, I'll see you this evening" she kisses my cheek and I smile and drink down the end of my de-cafe coffee.

"Bye Case" I kiss her again and ask her to meet me for lunch, which she agrees.

"Great, see you then. Don't forget we are leaving this evening!"

"Don't worry, its been all thats on my mind since Monday" I smile and she laughs as we hop from the parked car

"I know how you feel.. I'm dying to get to the cabin! Its been what, 2 years since we were there?"

"Yeah! Can you believe it went that long?"

"Its crazy.. We really should try get up there more"

"Well we are getting up there this evening so lets focus on that!"

I smile as we get to my office

"See you for lunch Case!"

"See you then Al!"

I smile as she walks out and I rest my hand on my stomach.

I just need to last here until half five and we can get out of here! Casey, Racer and me. A real family vacation!

xx

One more hour and I'll be finished here. One more hour and Casey and I get one whole week, undisturbed in our summer cabin up north.

I'm two months gone now and nothing bad's happened so I might as well tell her. I'll be showing soon anyway.

To be honest I'm surprised she hasn't guessed. I think she thinks I didn't say anything sooner because it was unsuccessful.. Again. She going to be in for a shock!

They say pregnancy hormones don't kick in until after the first trimester but I've been horny as hell lately.

Casey benefited from that! Even remembering it is making me feel tired! Reason two this week will be so wonderful, constant sex. What can I say, the body wants what the body wants.

Okay, the other big surprise?

I want to propose..

I have it planned. Nearly to a tee.

I even drove up to the cabin during the week and set it all up for myself.

So, the weeks plans are; arrive, propose, sex, swim, sex, sex, pregnancy.

Well, I think that seems pretty damn fun!

I just hope everything works out! It will. I love Casey so much and its clear she feels the same.

Its a lot to put into one week though! Lets just hope she's not too shocked!

I sigh and close up my files. I wont be getting much work done anyway. I clear off my desk and grab my keys, phone, jacket and brief case and rush out the door, thoughts of the weeks plans running around in my head.

xx

"Case? You here?" I call and then I'm greeted by Racer, our 2 year old springer spaniel.

I drop my case and pat my lap and he jumps up to me and licks my hand, waiting to be rubbed down

I smile and pat his head and look up to see Casey watching me

She walks over, pats Racer and pulls me into an embrace

"Hey sweetheart, how was work?"

I kiss her and reply "Boring, I've had my mind on this trip all day"

"Me too. It should be good fun"

"I love you so much Case"

"Love you too Al"

"I packed for both of us" I smile and she kisses me again

"I saw that. Thank you baby"

Racer jumps up on us and Casey laughs "He's eager to leave then"

"Just a little" I smile "Shall we?"

"Lets go then" I take her hand and we go upstairs and grab our cases, followed by Racer who was bouncing around, ready to start our vacation

Yeah.. To be honest. Life is pretty damn good!

xx

AN: Yeah, I'm finishing this here, as you can guess, a lot of this chapter is taken from chapter one of Everyday I Love You More but I couldn't think of any other way to finish it!

Hope you enjoyed it! Review please!


	40. Chapter 40

Just wondering, Should I do the 3rd instalment? As in, a sequel to Everyday I Love You More?

I honestly don't mind either way, just wondering if you all think its a good idea?

Let me know! Thanks!


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